


She’s Not Here

by sleepdeprivedwriter



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: AU where Pepper dies instead of Tony basically, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Canon Divergence, Canon Divergence - Avengers: Endgame (Movie), F/M, Fix-It, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Parent Tony Stark, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Slow Burn, Sort Of, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Tags may be added, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, eventual Steve/Tony, it is a Problem, ok i don’t know how to write titles, well not for pepper oof
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-14
Updated: 2019-08-03
Packaged: 2020-06-28 05:09:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 21,718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19805407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sleepdeprivedwriter/pseuds/sleepdeprivedwriter
Summary: “I am inevitable.”The sound of Thanos’ snap was all Tony could hear. It was over. Again. He closed his eyes. He wasn’t going to watch his teammates turn to ash a second time in his life. One out of fourteen million. He should’ve known better than to hope.“Hmm..no.” The sound of an instantly recognizable displeased hum forced Tony to frown and open his eyes just in time to see Pepper, the corner of her lips slightly upturned, snap her fingers decisively.---Pepper dies defeating Thanos instead of Tony. Tony has to learn how to deal with that (with some help from some familiar faces.)





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This isn’t to bash Pepper at all, just so you know, I love her. But the first time I saw endgame, I thought of how interesting it would be to look into how Tony would cope if it would have been Pepper who died instead of him.

“I am inevitable.”

The sound of Thanos’ snap was all Tony could hear. It was over. Again. He closed his eyes. He wasn’t going to watch his teammates turn to ash a second time in his life. One out of fourteen million. He should’ve known better than to hope.

“Hmm.. _no _.” The sound of an instantly recognizable displeased hum forced Tony to frown and open his eyes just in time to see Pepper, the corner of her lips slightly upturned, snap her fingers decisively.__

__Blinding white light shot across the sky. Thanos’ army began to turn to ash and the battlefield became silent._ _

__“No, no, no,” Tony whispered and flew over to the piece of rock Pepper had slumped against. He landed at her feet and kneeled down to her level. She gave a shallow sigh of relief but gave no other acknowledgement of his presence._ _

__Tony felt his stomach turn and he lifted a shaking hand up to brush a charred piece of auburn hair out of his wife’s face. “Sweetheart, why did you do that?” He choked out. “I was right there, I should’ve..” he trailed off, blinking desperately._ _

__“Tony…” She began, “you’re gonna be okay.” Her voice was barely a whisper, her words slightly jumbled together._ _

__He shook his head. “No, you can’t leave me, Pep.” He felt an iron hand on his shoulder. Rhodey. “You’re not allowed to, I’ll have you fired.” Despite his best threats, Pepper’s eyes began to wander and she swayed slightly._ _

__“Pep, look at me.” He caught her eye again. “Please don’t leave me, please don’t leave, please-” His voice cracked as he saw Pepper still, her glossy eyes open. The light of her arc reactor dimmed and he let out a scream._ _

__No. This wasn’t how it was supposed to end._ _

__Tony bit back a sob and his breath began to quicken. Behind him, a crowd had formed, all watching as Earth’s greatest hero rested his forehead against the chest of the universe’s biggest saviour and choke on his tears._ _

__Rhodey and Cap had both offered, in few words, to help Tony carry Pepper’s body off of the battlefield but he had shaken his head sternly and gripped his wife tighter. Neither of them pushed it but stayed close behind him just in case._ _

__Halfway across the battlefield, his knees buckled and Steve grabbed his waist to keep him upright. Rhodey kept a steadying hand on his back after that and Steve didn’t let go of his grip. Tony couldn’t find it in himself to shove either of them off, too focused on the task at hand._ _

__Getting Tony to leave Pepper’s side was a near impossible task, and took a team of three - Rhodey, Thor, and Steve - physically pulling him away to allow her body to be properly removed. He truly broke down shortly after that._ _

__***_ _

__Happy stood on the porch to the lake-house with Morgan on his hip as Tony and those who refused to leave his side arrived at the lakehouse. Happy frowned at the crowd, his eyes scanning the small group until his eyes landed on a Tony and took in his expression. _Oh _. Morgan pulled on his jacket, asking to be put down so she could run up to her father.___ _

____“Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Happy let me watch TV all day!” She pulled on his pant leg and gave a smile that was incredibly devious for a four-year-old. Tony’s eyes squeezed shut and he had to remind himself to breathe. “Where’s Mommy?” Morgan asked, pulling more insistently on Tony’s leg._ _ _ _

____That was his breaking point. Tony pulled her small hands off of him and ran up the steps to the house without a word to his daughter. He slammed the door and walked towards the stairs. The stairs that led to their bedroom. He froze, hand stuck on the rail, before turning around and rushing into his office, locking the door behind him._ _ _ _

____“Something’s wrong, isn’t it?” It was more of a statement than a question, but Morgan still looked expectantly at the adults around her for an answer. It was felt within the room that no one knew how to respond. Tony should really be the one to decide how to deal with this all._ _ _ _

____Rhodey stepped forward to kneel so he was at the young girl’s level. “Morgan, your Mom isn’t…” He struggled to find the words. “She can’t come home. She’s… gone.”_ _ _ _

____“Oh…” Morgan was quiet for a moment, thinking this over. “Forever?”_ _ _ _

____Rhodey nodded. The little girl’s eyes started to water and her bottom lip trembled. The group surrounding the girl braced themselves as she let out a wail._ _ _ _

____“I want Mommy,” she bawled. Peter couldn’t stop himself from tearing up at the sight of the girl crying and covered his mouth._ _ _ _

____“I’m going to go check on Tony,” Steve excused himself from the others, uncomfortable at the sight of Tony’s daughter in tears. He had only met her once, but it distressed him all the same. Peter debated following Steve into the house but thought that seeing him might make Mr. Stark regret the fight on another level. The last thing he wanted was to upset him more._ _ _ _

____Steve stopped in the entryway to the Stark’s house, eyes taking in the toys scattered on the floor of their living room. The sound of a quiet whimper caught Steve’s attention and he headed towards the door it came from. He knocked quietly._ _ _ _

____“Tony,” his voice was soft and he knocked again. “Tony, can I come in?” He waited for a response but got none. He tried the door handle which was unsurprisingly locked. Sure, he could break the door down if it was really necessary, but he didn’t see the point of interrupting a grieving man. He would let them in when he was ready._ _ _ _

____The rest of the group had shuffled their way inside and Rhodey held Morgan to him. She was still crying but the noise quieted down due to her exhausting herself from the tears. He sat with her on the couch and let the girl cry._ _ _ _

____Peter stood back. He knew he was being an intrusion. Happy, Rhodey, even Steve - Tony had known these people for years and years. They had known Pepper for years and years. Peter bit his lip and pushed the feeling to the back of his mind._ _ _ _

____“I want my Daddy,” Morgan whimpered, “and I want my Mommy back.” Rhodey didn’t have anything to say in response to that so he just squeezed her shoulder and sighed._ _ _ _

____Morgan jumped off the couch, suddenly determined to find her father. She ran towards the door to his office and started banging on it. “Daddy! Daddy, open up!” She started sobbing again and kept banging on the door. Rhodey stood up from the couch and went to follow her but stopped as he saw Steve kneel before her._ _ _ _

____“Hi, Morgan. Um, I don’t know if you know who I am, but you can call me Steve.” He would introduce himself as “Uncle Steve” but he wasn’t sure if Tony would appreciate that much._ _ _ _

____Morgan kept banging on the door and screaming, but it remained shut. Steve sighed, “I know that this is scary for you. I lost my mom, too. And my dad, although I never actually knew him.” Morgan stopped her screeches to face Steve, willing to hear what he had to say but giving him a look of judgement that Steve had seen on Tony’s face so many times before. “My dad died before I was born, so I never got the chance to meet him.” Morgan frowned._ _ _ _

____“How did he die?” She asked him, crossing her arms._ _ _ _

____“In a battle, of a sort. Like your mommy.” Steve didn’t feel it was appropriate to explain what mustard gas was to the kid, no matter how smart she was, so he left out that detail. “Morgan, your dad is really sad right now and he probably will be for a while. It’s hard when you lose someone, especially someone,” Steve cleared his throat and took a deep breath. “Especially someone you love.”_ _ _ _

____“I love my mommy, too.”_ _ _ _

____“Yes, sweetie, I know you do. And it’s normal for you to be sad, too. You’re a very brave girl, do you know that?” Steve brushed back the hair that was stuck to the four-year-old’s very red face._ _ _ _

____“Yes, I know. Daddy says so a lot,” Morgan said with full Stark confidence, hands on her hips._ _ _ _

____Steve stood up and Morgan flung herself at his leg, effectively hugging it. He awkwardly bent over to reach his arms around her and pat her back. Rhodey stepped forward to collect her and as he did he gave Steve a funny look. Steve thought it was somewhere between amusement and judgement._ _ _ _

____He turned to the office door and gently pressed his forehead against it._ _ _ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can we all agree that Pepper’s catchphrase is “no” lmao,, Oof this was supposed to help cure my endgame depression by not killing Tony, but it’s only made me more sad. Oh well. Lemme know what you guys think of this/if I should continue it! I have an idea of where this is going but not really so I’m open to suggestions :)


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The funeral...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here’s another chapter for you guys, I had a lot of fun writing this one (despite how absolutely depressing it is.) Enjoy!

It was widely known that Tony Stark never shut up. Even when he was nervous or pissed off or drunk or depressed, he was always talking and making quips. He had been a nervous rambler since he was a child and it wasn’t a habit anyone thought he’d likely drop.

However, in the wake of Pepper’s death, he hadn’t said a word to anyone. It was a complete radio silence. The door to Tony’s office had remained locked for the past twenty-four hours. Rhodey wasn’t surprised, considering he knew there was a bathroom en-suite to the office and Tony was used to not eating for days at a time. Rhodey, Happy, and Steve had all pleaded with him to open the door to no avail.

“Tony,” Rhodey pleaded, “we need to talk about the funeral arrangements.” A quiet sob was all he got as a response. Rhodey rubbed his hands over his face and walked back to the living room. Happy sat on the couch, Morgan on his lap playing with a children’s circuit board set. She was building what appeared to be some sort of fan contraption, her tongue poking out from her lips in concentration.

“Happy, can we talk?” Rhodey looked between him and Morgan. Happy picked up on the hint and put her down. Morgan pouted at them both and her lip began to wobble.

In an attempt to prevent a meltdown, Happy looked around the room until he spotted Steve. “Morgan, do you want to go show Uncle Steve the… thing… you built?”

“It’s an engine.” She corrected. “Well, not yet. It’s the start of an engine. Mommy says-” the girl cut herself off and her eyes began to water. “Mommy says I’m not allowed to play with real engines yet, but Daddy said he’d show me how to build a real one when I turn five.” Tears streamed down her face but unlike the day before, she didn’t start scream-crying. She turned away from the two men and ran over to Steve.

“What did you need to say?” Happy frowned.

“Pepper’s funeral. Tony is no help, obviously, so I think it has to be us.”

Steve was in his own mind, staring mindlessly out the window when Morgan jumped into his lap. She wrapped her arms around his neck and he stared down at her in shock. He instinctively wrapped his arms around the squirming girl to stabilize her as she shifted on him, turning so she could show him her sort-of engine.

She wiped her tears on his sleeve and snuggled into him. “Hi,” she looked up at him. “Happy says you’re my uncle. Is that true?” Steve blinked, and stuttered for a moment.

“Uh, yes. I am, I guess.” His felt his chest tighten at the suggestion. “Yeah, kiddo, I’m your uncle.”

“Alright.” She looked indifferent at this new information and Steve wondered how much she actually knew of his history with her father. He assumed not much.

“This is almost an engine. It’s like a...” Morgan searched for the right word, frowning slightly. Her eyes lit up. “Oh! It’s like a pro-to-type.” She said, breaking down the word. She looked up at him for confirmation and he gave a slight nod. He gripped her tighter as she continued to point out the intricacies of her design in terms that even Steve (whose experience with children was limited to those times where mothers would hand him their babies for photographs) knew were far more advanced than your average four-year-old. She was truly her father’s daughter.

***

The funeral gathered a crowd far larger than expected. That’s what happens when the funeral is that of someone who saved the universe, Peter guessed. Nearly everyone who had fought Thanos had attended, but Peter recognized faces from all over. There was a group he knew as SI employees from the times he _had_ actually visited the tower (mostly just to mess around with Tony in the labs, but still.) It was strange to be in a crowd with collectively most powerful people in the entire world - the entire universe actually, but Peter tried not to overthink it or visibly geek out. Aunt May was somewhere in the crowd, but stood back to give Peter some space.

He had phoned her the night that everything happened, asking for permission to stay at the Stark’s for a couple of days. He was curled up on the couch with a blanket that didn’t cover his feet and it was late.

“May, he just… he really needs me right now,” Peter’s voice cracked and he heard a sigh from the other end of the phone.

“I know, Pete. It’s okay. You can stay until the funeral, but after that we need to sit down and talk about it, preferably with Mr Stark,” May had told him. He wasn’t sure Mr Stark would want to talk to him, or talk to anyone for that matter, but Peter sighed out of sheer relief that he wouldn’t have to leave so soon. Sure, it didn’t appear that Happy, Rhodey, or Captain Rogers we’re leaving him alone anytime soon, but he didn’t want to be the one who did.

Standing at the front of the crowd was Tony, who Rhodey and Happy had been concerned about even attending the funeral. Every knock on his door as a reminder had been ignored and he still hadn’t emerged from the depths of his office. However, the morning of the funeral Tony stepped out in a black suit, hair tousled and eyes puffy, and closed the door behind him. He didn’t say anything to anyone, he didn’t even look at anyone. Except for when Morgan saw him.

“Daddy!” She catapulted herself off of the couch where she was sitting and ran over to her father. He bent down to pick her up and buried his face with her shoulder. “Daddy, I missed you.” She started to cry and he squeezed her tighter.

“I missed you too, baby,” his voice was raspy from the tears and lack of use.

Peter hovered by the pair before he felt an arm pull him into the exchange. It was then when he lost it, tears streaming down his face and neck. Part of it was, of course, Pepper’s death and the devastation that came with it, but there was another part of him that was crying out of the relief of having Mr Stark back in his life. He clutched onto the man and refused to let go now that he had him back.

It seemed that Mr Stark had the same idea because for the entirety of the funeral he stood with Morgan on his hip and an arm around Peter. He didn’t have more than a nod for those who offered him their condolences, especially those on the Board of Directors for Stark Industries.

He hadn’t made any decisions about what he was going to do with the company now that Pepper wasn’t.. able to run it. He was still the owner and still owned enough of the shares that he had the full ability to appoint a new CEO with little input from the board. If it wasn’t for the fact that the company couldn’t function without a CEO for the few years until Peter became of legal age, he probably would just leave it to him. That was the long term plan, anyway. Peter, then once Morgan finished school they would work out some sort of arrangement between the two of them to co-run the company.

Tony felt a gentle hand on his back directing him towards the dock. Tony was surprised to look over and see that it was Steve. He let himself be walked over to the edge, where he saw Rhodey gently lay a wreath of flowers into the water. On top of the wreath was the Rescue helmet. The anniversary present Tony had made to protect her that ended up being the indirect cause of her death.

It was another reminder of his own personal failure.

***

After the funeral, people began to head out, all with a sympathetic look at Tony. Even those who hadn’t always been Tony’s greatest fans were different.

Even Hank Pym, a man who had seemed to have a distaste for him since birth, had shaken his hand. “Stark, if you ever need anything… don’t hesitate to call,” he said with a nod. Tony knew it was obviously slightly forced, but hey, it was the thought that counts.

Once inside the safety of the house again, Tony crashed on an armchair in their living room. His hands were over his face and Morgan pulled on them.

“Daddy, aren’t you going to tell me a bedtime story?” The girl seemingly thought that since Tony had re-emerged from the office, their routines would fall back into place as normal. Morgan’s bedtime stories had formerly been Tony telling slightly fictional, G-rated stories of his time with the Avengers, but he didn’t trust himself to tell one in his present state.

Morgan pulled on his hands again. “Daddy?”

Happy stepped in, “Morgan, I’ll tell you a story, come on.” He tried to lead her to her bedroom, but she refused.

“No! Why can’t Daddy tell me one?” She whined.

“Because Daddy feels like shit right now, so just be a good girl and go to bed,” Tony snapped. The heaviness of the day was getting to him.

Morgan looked at him with a sense of betrayal in her eyes. “You said that was Mommy’s word.”

“Well, she’s not here to say it, now is she?” Morgan started crying for the hundredth time in the past seventy-two hours and Tony sighed. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. Daddy’s just… it’s been hard for Daddy these past few days.” She continued her sniffling and Tony tried to reach out to hold her but she shifted away from him. Now that really hurt.

Happy held Morgan’s hand and as they began to walk down the hall, he pointed at Peter and motioned for him to come with them.

 _Me?_ Peter mouthed back at him, pointing to his chest. Happy nodded somewhat aggressively and Peter got up to follow them despite his reservations.

Peter stood awkwardly in the corner of her room as Happy helped her to get ready for bed, assisting her in brushing her teeth and tucking her in.

Once she was settled in, Happy waved him over.

“What?” Peter asked.

“ _C’mere._ ”

“Why?”

“Just,” he made another gesture, “get over here.”

Peter unfolded his arms and walked across the girl’s bedroom.

“You,” Happy grabbed his arm and pulled him closer to the bed, “are gonna tell the kid a story.”

“What? No. Happy, I-” Peter tried to protest to no avail.

“I have to deal with Tony; you deal with the story,” he instructed firmly.

“But,” the door was already closed and he was left alone with Morgan.

“Umm, hi, Morgan. Can I, uh, sit?” She nodded and he hesitantly sat on the very edge of her bed.

“So, I don’t really know any good stories, I don’t think…” Peter started awkwardly.

“Well, Daddy always just talks about himself.”

That didn’t exactly surprise Peter, despite how much he respected and admired Mr Stark, of course.

“He tried to play it off as him making them up,” she continued, “but I know the stories are really about the Avengers.”

“Oh?” Peter was interested in what Mr. Stark has said about them… if he’d ever mentioned him.

“Yeah, I’m gonna be an Avenger when I’m older. Daddy will build me a suit and I can be Iron Girl and fight the bad guys,” Morgan supplied.

_“_ Oh, really?” Morgan nodded. “Wanna know a secret?” He leaned in and she smirked. 

“Is it that you’re Spider-man? Because I already knew that,” Peter gaped. Mr. Stark really had told her about everything.

“Daddy didn’t tell me, exactly, but I figured it out.” That only confused Peter more.

“How did you… how did you figure that out?” He asked. He was really going to have to be more stealthy if a four-year-old could figure out his identity from spending five minutes with him. Even if that four-year-old was clearly a genius.

“Well, when Daddy would tell stories about Spider-man, he told me that Spider-man’s real name was Peter. He’d always get kind of sad and tell me that Peter was like my brother, except he wasn’t actually my brother.”

“Oh. He said that?” Peter felt like he couldn’t breathe.

“Yep. Kind of how like Uncle Rhodey and Uncle Happy and Uncle Steve and Auntie Nat and Uncle Bruce and Uncle Clint and Auntie Laura aren’t actually Daddy’s brothers and sisters, but they’re still my uncles and aunts,” she told him. The lengthy list of uncles and aunts made Peter’s head spin a bit, but he nodded along. He noticed the way she hesitated at “Auntie Nat” and it made him cringe a bit.

“Anyway, Daddy said that Spider-Pete had to go away but he never said where. Then, you came a few days ago and Mommy was gone but you were back and I just knew it was you.” Morgan smiled a little sadly. “Even though Mommy isn’t here, I’m very glad that I have my brother back, Petey.”

Peter felt tears sting his already red eyes. “I’m glad to be back, too.”

“Now,” she smiled deviously. “It’s time for my bedtime story.”

Peter had forgotten about that. He groaned internally before getting a brilliant idea.

“Well, uh, there was once this guy. And this guy’s name was Luke Skywalker...”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Even though it’s kind of hard to write a genius four-year-old, Morgan is such a blast to write! I imagine her basically being exactly like a Mini Tony, right down to the sass and the intellect (although she definitely gets a fair share of both from Pepper too lol.) Also, don’t attack Tony for snapping at Morgan; he’s still a great dad, just going through some pretty dark stuff atm.
> 
> Anyway, comments are always appreciated and have a great day, guys :)
> 
> P.S. i’ll probably have another chapter up within the next day or two


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things go from slightly better, to bad, to much, much worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is a bit longer and a bit darker...
> 
> PLEASE be warned that this chapter contains a TW for suicidal thoughts as well as a suicide attempt. It takes place in the last section of the chapter, so if you think you may be triggered by it please skip over it and I’ll quickly recap what you missed (non-graphically) in the end notes.

It had been three days since the funeral and five days since the third snap. Tony had resumed his position in his office almost immediately and it was agreed that it might just be best to leave him alone, at least for a while.

Rhodey had been the main “caretaker” of Morgan following her father’s isolation. Happy, Steve, and Peter would help when they could but Morgan was the most comfortable with her Uncle Rhodey, having known him the longest.

Steve had taken to cleaning up around the house a bit while Tony was otherwise incapacitated. Just the easy stuff, like doing the dishes and picking up Morgan’s toys and things. It made him feel rather like a housewife, but he surprisingly sort of liked it. He felt like someone needed him, depended on him. It was a nice feeling.

Of course, it was always on the back of his mind that soon enough, he would have to step up and return the stones. It had already been decided that it would be him, he was the natural candidate considering he had nothing to lose. Or at least nothing he would be willing to admit would hurt if he lost. Steve needed a bit of a breather between the funeral and going back - or so he said - and Bruce made it very clear that the very latest the stones could stay in their timeline was one week, so Steve would make the journey tomorrow.

Every day since the funeral, Peter had gotten phone calls from Aunt May, all pressing him about when he’d be going back to school. It wasn’t that he _had_ to go back right away, she said, it was that he needed to make a decision so she could inform the school when he’d be back. Peter didn’t know what to do. Obviously, he knew he couldn’t avoid going back to school forever - nor did he want to - but he felt like the situation was too fragile for him to mess up; like everyone had their place in the Jenga tower that Peter thought was most likely a metaphor for Mr. Stark’s mental health, and that if another piece was taken out it would fall. He didn’t want to be that piece.

So, he just avoided the topic, keeping his conversations with May as short as possible and pushing back the meeting she wanted to have with Peter and Mr. Stark as far as he could. He just needed a little time.

Besides, in complete truth, he really was busy with Mr. Stark. Rhodey and Happy has pulled him aside the day after the funeral and basically forced him to knock on Mr. Stark’s office door, as they thought Peter had the best chance of having the door opened to him.

They were right, because after a few minutes of gentle knocking and pleading, the door clicked open and Peter walked in. The first thing Peter noticed was the very unpleasant smell within the room. It smelled somewhere between must and something that could only be described as the smell of depression.

“Mr. Stark, hi, it’s Peter,” he had identified the blob curled in a blanket and sitting in the office chair as Mr. Stark. “Have you thought about maybe opening a window in here? It’s kind of… stuffy.” As he said this, Peter carefully walked over to the windows and cracked them all open. He grabbed the miscellaneous protein bar wrappers strewn across the desk and threw them in the trash under the desk.

“There. Much better,” Peter was almost proud of what he accomplished within two minutes of being in the office.

“Why are you here, Pete? Shouldn’t you be at school or something?” Tony said after a moment of silence. His words weren’t hostile and Peter had to remind himself not to take them as such.

“I’m here because I know what it’s like to lose someone you care a lot about, and I thought - I thought I could maybe help a little,” Peter shrugged, realizing how stupid he sounded. He was just a kid, it’s not like he was gonna magically bring Pepper back to life or turn Mr. Stark’s life around. He scratched the back of his neck and looked around.

“Mr. Stark, please don’t take any offense to this, but I think maybe it would be good if you showered… Just so, y’know, you would feel a little bit more… fresh.” Mr. Stark actually let out a cynical little laugh and Peter almost did a double take.

“Are you telling me I stink, kid?” Peter’s eyes widened.

“No! That’s not what I meant at all!” It was sort of what he meant, yes. “I just mean that maybe you should shower for you so that you would feel less like…”

Mr. Stark dismissed this, waving a hand nonchalantly. “It’s fine, Pete, I get it. I’ll shower.”

 _Oh_. That was kind of easier than Peter expected it to be.

When Tony emerged from his office and headed upstairs to the master bathroom, the three men in various places around the living room all froze and stared for a second before turning away and acting unphased. Peter came from the room a few seconds later.

“Kid, you’re a miracle worker,” Rhodey threw his hands up.

“I’m really not,” Peter awkwardly shrugged and looked at the ground.

“Well, you managed to get Tony out of that goddamn office, so I’ll say thank you either way,” Rhodey stood up and slapped Peter’s back.

Forty-five minutes later, Tony returned downstairs fully shaved and showered. His eyes were still in their continuous state of ‘red and puffy’ but other than that he looked almost refreshed. He was wearing a fresh t-shirt and pajama bottoms and was drying off his wet hair with a towel.

“Look who’s returned from the dead,” Happy exclaimed, then immediately regretted his word choices as he saw Tony’s shoulders tense and his face scrunched up a little.

“I-I didn’t mean,” Happy started to explain himself, but Tony just shook his head.

“It’s fine,” he said in a strained voice that suggested it was clearly not fine. He walked back to the office and shut the door with a force that made everyone jump a little. Happy looked appropriately guilty as Rhodey glared at him a little.

***

Steve was supposedly sleeping on one of the couches in Tony’s living room when he heard a door click close. He opened one eye, scanning the room for any movement. He saw Peter sleeping on the couch opposite him, dead asleep. Happy and Rhodey were each in a guest bedroom - having been the two guests who were more comfortable both with staying in Tony’s house and with being a little demanding. Morgan was upstairs in her own bedroom, hopefully sleeping soundly.

Steve shifted slightly and saw who could only be Tony, walking across the house to the entryway and slipping on his shoes. Steve sat up and wiped his eyes with his hands before witnessing the other man quietly open and close the front door, slipping out into the night. He waited for a moment before standing up and stretching. He took a few steps before the floorboards betrayed him, squeaking under his weight.

Peter rolled over groggily and squinted at him. “Cap’n Rogers?” He slurred sleepily.

“It’s fine, Pete, go back to bed,” he whispered.

“Kay… Cool,” Peter flipped back over, pulling the blanket over his head and Steve made his way out of the house.

He stopped when the door closed, listening to the crickets chirping for a moment before looking for Tony. He saw a figure sitting in a tiny chair, staring up at the clear sky. Steve made his way over, his hands in his pockets. He realized as he stepped off the porch that he wasn’t wearing any shoes, but he didn’t care enough to go back inside and find his sneakers.

As he got closer to the man, he saw Tony twitch, realizing who was there. He didn't take his eyes off the sky, even a _s_ Steve stood only a few feet away from him.

“Hey,” Steve said somewhat-awkwardly. Tony was silent. “I thought you might want some company.”

“What gave you that idea?” Tony sneered, still refusing to look at him. Steve shrugged. He knew he wasn’t wanted here but he forced himself not to turn around and give up.

“Can I sit?”

Shrug. “I don’t care.”

Steve sat on the slightly damp grass and pulled his legs up to his chest, looking very much like a child. It was quiet; both men admiring the stars, both men trying not to overthink what they’d witnessed together up there.

“I recorded her a message,” Tony said several minutes later. “I thought I was going to die fighting.. him. I thought it was going to be me, so I recorded her a little something that she and Morgan could watch back every now and then when they especially missed me and wanted to hear my voice again or something.”

“It’s not your -”

“Not my fault. I know. But it still should’ve been me,” Tony finished for Steve. Steve didn’t have it in him to disagree, considering he had the same thought about himself.  
“Pepper was more than my wife and Morgan’s mom,” Tony’s voice cracked but he continued on, “she was my best friend.”

“Y’know, I never really believed in the whole ‘soulmates’ crap or whatever - I still don’t, but I just feel so lost without her. I don’t know how I’m supposed to move on. I-I can’t move on. And, yeah, I know things will hurt less in a year or five from now but I don’t even want them to. I just keep thinking about how one day Morgan’s barely going to remember her own mother and it’ll be because of me.”

“Tony,” Steve’s voice was barely louder than a whisper.

“You’re so lucky, Rogers.” Steve frowned.

“Why?”

“Because you have a second chance.” Tony stood up from the chair. Steve jumped up from his place on the ground, mirroring the man.

“What?”

“Don’t you think I know?” Tony sounded almost envious, “you go back tomorrow, right?”

“Well, to return the stones, yes,” Steve tilted his head. What was he talking about?

“It’s okay, Steve. Really. I want you to be happy,” Tony grabbed his shoulder. Steve frowned, suddenly he knew where Tony was going with this and he didn’t like it.

“Tony,” he warned to no avail.

“Cap, all I’m saying is I wouldn’t blame you. We don’t all get second chances… so, make it count.” Tony stuck out his hand. Steve looked down at it before glancing up at the shorter man. “Steve, are you going to just leave me hanging here?” Tony joked stiffly.

Steve grabbed his hand and pulled him into a tight hug. Tony’s eyes widened and he stayed still against him for a moment before wrapping his arms around Steve in response. “Goodnight, Tony,” he let go and stepped back.

“Night, Steve,” Tony frowned at him a little.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” Steve looked at him with purpose. Tony’s lip twitched upwards and he nodded back.

“See you tomorrow.”

***

“I just got a phone call,” Rhodey stood with Happy in the kitchen, both of them watching as Steve cracked eggs into a bowl to scramble.

“And?”

“And I’m being called back to work. The amount of damage control needed is astounding. I mean, not only with the compound and everything, but when everyone came back there were the expected casualties caused by traffic accidents and that sort of thing. That’s not even to mention that a lot of these people have been displaced and now have nowhere to go,” Happy just blankly blinked at Rhodey in response. “What I’m saying is that I’m going to need to leave here within the next couple of days and what the hell are we supposed to do about Tony?”

“I don’t know,” Happy answered honestly. “I have no idea. I mean, he can’t expect any of us to stay here forever. I have to get back to work too, and so does he, really.”

“Let’s not go there yet,” both men grimaced at the thought of Tony being told by SI’s Board of Directors that he needed to find someone as a replacement for his wife’s position and come back to work himself. It would not end very well, that’s for sure.

“No kidding.”

Steve could hear all of this, obviously, but didn’t think to intervene. He doubted his opinion held any weight in the eyes of anyone, especially Tony’s closest friends, when it came to what was best for Tony. He poured the eggs into a frying pan on the stove and searched for a spatula in the nearest drawer.

“Steve, when do you do your stone thing today?” Rhodey called over to him. Steve didn’t look up from the spatula search.

“Whenever Banner gets here,” he responded. Bucky and Sam were also coming over for what they deemed ‘moral support.’ Knowing them, they’d want lunch first so it would probably be some time afterwards. He said his to Rhodey who nodded at him and turned back to Happy.

“Before then, I think.” Happy agreed with him and the two grabbed plates and cutlery for breakfast when Steve instructed them too.

Peter came into the kitchen on his phone, looking very tired and a little frustrated.

“May, it’s fine, really,” he said. “It can wait though, can’t it?” He sighed into the phone and walked over to the stove, admiring Steve’s breakfast handiwork. He reached over to steal a piece of bacon but Steve whacked him with the spatula before he could.

“Patience is a virtue, Pete,” he raised his eyebrows at him and Peter frowned.

“No, sorry, it’s just.. No, Captain America won’t let me have any bacon…” He gave Steve a joking glare to which Steve rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I know… Okay, love you too. Okay. Bye.” He hung up the phone and Steve picked up the pans to bring over to the dining room.

“Can you grab the toast please?” Peter nodded and grabbed it, following behind him. “Was that your aunt?”

“Yep.” Peter provided no further explanation.

“What did she say?” He pressed. Peter shrugged.

“Not much,” he shrugged again. Steve would never fully understand teenagers.

They all sat down at the table and started eating. Steve helped cut her food into more manageable pieces and Rhodey read the news off of his Stark tablet.

Halfway through, Tony took a seat at the end of the table. Everyone tried to remain unfazed but the tension was palpable.

“Is there coffee?” Tony asked, ignoring the way everyone was making subtle glances at him.

“Yes! Of course,” Rhodey said a little too enthusiastically and jumped up to grab him a cup.

“You fetching my coffee? That’s a new one,” Tony gave him a look and Rhodey shrugged.

Morgan climbed down from her chair and pulled herself into her father’s lap.

“Hi, Daddy,” she said into his neck.

“Hi, sweetie,” Tony leaned his face against her.

Steve looked up from Morgan’s plate to see the exchange, his fork and knife stilling in his hands. He looked between the father and daughter, taking in their physical similarities. Everything about Morgan was Tony, down to the colouring of her eyes and her hair to the curve of her nose. She had Pepper’s eyes shape-wise and the light freckles scattered around her face were also definitely her mother’s, but other than that she was practically Tony’s carbon copy.

Rhodey came back with Tony’s coffee and Steve put his head down again, cutting up the rest of Morgan’s bacon.

“So, uh… today’s a busy day, right? With the stones… and everything,” Rhodey looked around the table.

“You know, you don’t have to pretend like this is normal,” Tony glanced at him, taking a sip of his coffee.

“I know, I know,” Rhodey sat down. “It’s just, well, I think within the next day… or so… I’ll be heading out of here too…” Rhodey waited for the explosion but it didn’t come.

“Oh… that’s good for you,” Tony was hyper-focused on wiping Morgan’s mouth with a napkin.

“Okay,” Rhodey glanced at Happy, who frowned as he looked between Tony and Rhodey.

The sound of forks scraping plates was the only sound heard for a few minutes until the doorbell rang.

“Oh, shit,” Peter mumbled, getting up from the table and running over to the door.

“What did you just say?” Steve frowned. Tony gaped at Peter as the teen left the table.

“Hey, watch your language!” He yelled as Morgan giggled at his expression.

Peter opened the door to reveal the last thing breakfast needed: a slightly pissed off looking Aunt May. Her hands were on her hips and she raised her eyebrows at him.

“May!” Peter squawked, running his hands through his hair.

“Peter, what was I supposed to do? I’ve been trying to get ahold of you guys for days now, so I thought it would be easiest just to drive up here myself, then you’d have to see me,” she looked almost apologetic as she walked past him into the house.

“Hi, Tony, Captain Rogers, Colonel Rhodes,” May nodded at each of him as she said their names. “Hi, Happy,” she gave him a small smile and Peter swore he saw the man blush. He frowned and cleared his throat.

“Sorry,” Peter said in a whisper as he sat back down across from Mr Stark.

“Mr. Stark, if you have a moment, could we maybe talk about Peter for a second? Privately?” She gestured to the living room as she said this and Tony stood up.

“Of course,” his voice was slightly shaky and Peter cringed a little, already predicting this would not end well.

As Peter followed the two adults into the living room, he got the feeling he would probably have to be the one to mediate their discussion. It wasn’t that Aunt May and Mr. Stark didn’t get along persay, because usually it was totally fine. It was just that with everything that had gone on recently, Peter knew that neither of them had the most patience or tact at the moment.

“So, this is you coming to collect Peter,” Tony started abruptly.

“No, not exactly, it’s -”

“Look, I get it. The kid needs to go back to school, I don’t see why we need to have a sit-down about it,” he cut May off.

“There’s room for discussion about it, Tony,” May looked at him and he shrugged.

“M-Mr. Stark, Aunt May was saying that maybe I could stay here for a bit longer, it’s just I need to let my school know about -”

“Peter, you’d be an idiot not to go back to school and you’re smarter than that, come on,” Tony looked so disappointed in him, but whether it was because he thought Peter was leaving or that Peter was considering staying longer, he couldn’t tell.

“Mr. Stark,” Peter stepped towards him, “Tony, I’m just trying to do the right thing.”

“Yes, and the right thing is going with your aunt and finishing your education.” He was stern and Peter didn’t like it. “C’mere, kid.” Tony opened his arms up to Peter and Peter couldn’t stop himself from embracing his mentor.

“You’re gonna do a lot of great in this world, okay?” Tony squeezed him and then without another word, fled the room.

Once he was gone, Peter turned to his aunt and shook his head. “I’m not leaving him, May.”

She brushed his hair out of his eyes and then kissed his forehead. “I know.”

***

Steve stood on the platform in his quantum suit, the briefcase of stones in one hand. Banner - or Professor Hulk as he seemed to be going by now - had nodded at him and he was off.

Five seconds later, he was standing back in the same position. His lip was bloodied and the briefcase was empty, but other than that, he appeared exactly the same to the three men waiting for him.

“Took you long enough,” Sam joked and Steve smirked, dropping the briefcase and clutching his ribs gingerly.

“What, you let yourself get tossed around while you were out? You wanna talk about it?” Bucky pointed to the hand on his side and Steve rolled his eyes.

“I’ll pass,” Steve accepted his help getting off the platform, despite the gab.

As they approached the house, Steve turned his head to look at his friends. “I’m making spaghetti for dinner if you want to stay.”

“With those ribs? I think we’ll be ordering takeout; you just take it easy, sweetheart.” Sam and Bucky snorted to themselves.

“Oh, ha, ha,” Steve rolled his eyes once again before grimacing, realizing that even pretending to laugh hurt. He better not have punctured his lung again.

Once they were inside, Professor Hulk instructed Steve to lay down on the cleared off dinner table and take off the suit so he could have a better look. He used Rhodey as his ‘hands’ because he claimed he could no longer do the detail work required to provide medical assistance.

They all knew that because of the serum Steve would be completely healed within a day or two, but it sure didn’t make it hurt any less in the meantime. When they were done, Steve moved over to the couch and stretched out, keeping an ice pack on the blotchy bruising around his ribs. The bruises were already becoming lighter despite it barely being a few hours since they were sustained.

“Where’s Tony?” Steve had asked Rhodey after he was all cleaned up.

“Garage. Tinkering,” Rhodey looked sort of disappointed with that, but it wasn’t like that was unusual for the man, especially when he was under personal stress.

Morgan came over to him and gave him a lopsided grin. “Hi, Uncle Steve.”

“Hi, Morgan,” Steve smiled back at the girl. She looked entranced by the bruises on his chest and the different colors they all were.

“Daddy says that you can get really hurt but heal really fast,” she said matter-of-fact as she very gently traced the outline of one bruise.

“Your Daddy is right,” Steve told her earnestly.

“So, how long until you’re all better?”

“Not long, I don’t think.”

“Okay,” Morgan nodded. Steve expected the girl to get distracted by someone else, but instead she plopped down on the floor beside him and grabbed her junior circuit board from the coffee table.

He gave her a curious look to which she said, “I want to be able to see you get better,” as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

Steve wasn’t sure when he had fallen asleep, but he woke up hours later with a blanket pulled over him and little hands grabbing his face. “Uncle Steve, it’s dinner time.”

“Hmm, what?” He groggily wiped the sleep from his eyes and sat up. God, his ribs still hurt. He looked down at his chest and saw that the bruising was almost all yellow and nearly healed which was a good thing though. He looked at the coffee table to see a clean folded t-shirt waiting for him.

“Uncle Happy got Chinese food!” She said excitedly as he grabbed the shirt and pulled it over his head.

He followed her through to the dining room and was greeted by a slew of well-meaning insults from his friends.

“No Tony?” He looked to Rhodey who shook his head,

“C’mon, the man has to eat,” Steve walked down the hall. “Queens! I’m bringing the good luck charm with me.” There were quiet snickers and Peter followed Steve down to the garage.

As they got there, Steve frowned immediately. He looked down at the garage door to see smoke coming from beneath the door.

“Fuck,” he said under his breath and Peter turned to him in shock.

“Captain Rogers, what is it?” He asked but Steve ignored him, banging on the door.

“Tony!” He jiggled the door handle but it was, as expected, locked. “Shit.”

He threw himself against the door twice before it broke open. “Captain Rogers, your ribs!” He heard Peter shout but didn’t turn back. He pulled the collar of his t-shirt over his nose as engine fumes poured out the door.

“Oh my god,” Peter whispered and followed Steve in. Steve waved smoke out of his face before his eyes set upon Tony, slumped over in his Audi with the engine running.

“I’ll grab him, go and get the others,” Steve choked out as he picked up the man bridal style, ignoring the way his ribs stung.

“O-okay,” Peter bolted for the door before Steve called back at him.

“ _Don’t_ let Morgan find out, Pete, please.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> RECAP: Steve goes back in time to return the stones and comes back the same age but a bit beaten up. He goes back to the house to get fixed up and takes a nap. The chapter ends with him and Peter going to grab Tony for dinner and finding him after having attempted suicide. 
> 
> Poor Tony :((( I’ll probably have the next chapter up within the next couple of days. Also, I considered writing what happened with Steve returning the stones, but decided against it because I wanted this chapter up sooner. If you guys would be interested in me writing a tie-in one-shot detailing it though, then let me know!!
> 
> Comments are very much appreciated :)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> two chapters in one day?? (well it’s after 12am where i am, but i haven’t slept yet so yeah one day.)
> 
> come say hi on [twitter](https://mobile.twitter.com/is_this_therapy) if ya want to talk about marvel with me !!
> 
> AGAIN, this chapter has some talk of a past suicide attempt which may be triggering to some so please be careful :)
> 
> ALSO, I imagine the final battle with Thanos taking place in very early October, so it’s been almost a full month since Pepper’s died at this point. Anyway, enjoy this chapter...

The two weeks following The Incident, as it was dubbed, were awkward to say the very least. Rhodey had managed to push back going to work for a few days but eventually had to get back to his job. He and the other Avengers were focused on rebuilding the upstate compound and assisting with damage control. Happy had also returned back to his position at Stark Industries shortly after Rhodey left.

Everyone had basically accepted that Steve was taking a short break from his Captain America responsibilities due to the other responsibilities he had taken on since Thanos. He promised that if a big threat were to occur he’d be there, but so far there was nothing that couldn’t be handled without him or Iron Man to the rescue.

Even Spider-man had taken a bit of a hiatus given Peter’s decision to take the fall semester off, instead doing online material from his Midtown teachers while staying at the lakehouse. After some negotiating with May and a letter Steve had written under Tony’s name, the arrangement was set that he would come back to school at the end of January, when spring semester started.

Peter seemed to be settling in quite well, he spent most of his time working on his homework or tinkering with Tony (not in the garage - which had not been touched since The Incident - but instead in the workspace in Tony’s office.) Steve offered to help him with his homework early on, but took one look at one of his chemistry worksheets and realized he was way out of his league. Peter did take his offer of help when it came to English and History, both of which Steve prided himself at excelling in.

On Friday afternoons, Happy would come to the house and have dinner with Tony, Steve, Peter, and Morgan and then drive Peter back to Queens to spend his weekends with May. Happy would be there to drive him back on Monday mornings and thus, a routine was formed.

Steve shocked himself with how much he enjoyed the domesticity of it all. Yes, there were aspects of it that left some room to be desired, such as the fact that they were on strict instructions not to leave Tony alone at any time which Tony found horrendously annoying and Steve and Peter found uncomfortable at times. Other than that, it was fine though. He couldn’t shake the feeling that he was interrupting something he didn’t deserve to witness, but Steve found himself cherishing every moment with Morgan. It was clear that the girl was becoming attached to him, as well. Steve just hoped he wouldn’t let her down somehow.

For what it was worth, Tony seemed to be doing slightly better. If ‘slightly better’ meant that he wasn’t allowed to be locked in his office anymore so he spent more time with Morgan and Peter and Steve. He still didn’t go anywhere remotely near his and Pepper’s bedroom, but he had stopped sleeping in the office and instead moved into one of the many guest bedrooms.

One night after dinner as Steve was scrubbing dishes in the kitchen he heard what sounded almost like singing and froze. He looked around and saw Peter sitting at the dinner table ‘live-tweeting’ as he put it.

“Is there music coming out of your phone?” He asked and Peter laughed.

“No…” Steve didn’t appreciate the look he was getting from the teenager but put down the cloth he was holding and followed the noise upstairs. It turned out that yes, it was singing, and yes, it was coming from the mouth of Tony Stark.

He sat on Morgan’s bed and stroked her forehead as he sang quietly. She looked up at him with such awe. Steve knew his own face probably mirrored her expression. He crouched down right outside the door, unbeknownst to the father and daughter just inside. The song was slow and Steve was sure he had heard it before, although where he couldn’t tell.

“ _Suddenly, I'm not half the man I used to be_ ,” Tony sang to his daughter. “ _There's a shadow hanging over me. Oh, yesterday came suddenly_.”

Morgan was fighting the way her eyes kept involuntarily fluttering shut as she listened to her dad. She saw him clear his throat as he sang the next lyrics and she knew he was thinking about her mother.

“ _Why she had to go, I don't know, she wouldn't say,_ ” his voice cracked and Steve he could see tears start streaming down Tony’s face. “ _I said something wrong. Now I long for yesterday._ ”

“ _Yesterday, love was such an easy game to play. Now I need a place to hide away. Oh, I believe in yesterday._ ” Tony continued despite the tears, but stopped when they overtook him as he started the chorus again.

“Don’t cry, Daddy,” Morgan sat up, her face also red from crying. “Please don’t cry.”

Tony covered his face with his hands and she climbed into his lap. He wrapped his arms around her and she wiped away his tears with the sleeves of her pajama shirt. Steve creeped back and went back downstairs, feeling a little guilty for having witnessed the private moment.

“So, what was it?” Peter said as Steve passed him on his way back to the kitchen.

“What?”

“The noise, what was it?”

“Oh, nothing, just Morgan messing around,” Steve shrugged.

***

Twice a week, Dr. Perry would come by the lakehouse and spend an hour and a half with Tony in his office. She was a therapist and psychiatist, recommended by Sam, who specializes in grief and trauma. Her clients were mostly military men; she used to work in partnership with Sam’s group support meetings which is where he knew her from.

The idea of the therapist itself was part of the arrangement made after The Incident. Bruce had managed to provide oxygen therapy for Tony without a trip to the hospital, but once he regained consciousness he forced Tony to sit down and shut up. Bruce had provided an ultimatum in exchange for The Incident being kept off of Tony’s medical records, which would result in a media field day should the news ever break, as well as put him in hot water when it came to his company.

So, the terms of agreement broke down into: 1) if there is a second incident, then it’s to the hospital without question and whatever happens at the hospital is up to its staff; 2) Tony was not to be left alone for whatever reason until it was decided that he was better able to take care of himself; 3) if Tony were to ever feel low again, he would immediately tell one of their friends and/or his therapist; and finally, 4) the weekly therapy sessions.

It had taken surprisingly little to get Tony to agree to it considering the alternative. The therapist was something that Tony had to concede was probably long over-due anyway. It was nice to talk about everything. Meaning _everything_. Some sessions, the shrink went back to childhood wounds that Tony had nearly forgotten he even had. Other days it was Afghanistan. Some days it New York or the Snap.

Most days it was Pepper.

It was Halloween this week and Tony couldn’t help but label it as “ _First Halloween without Pepper_.” Dr. Perry has assured him that it as normal to measure time and holidays in ‘how many days/weeks/months/years’ since a loved one has died. The substantial markers like the anniversary of the death would almost always be a big day, she said, but eventually he’d stop looking at every day like it was _23 Days AP_. After Pepper. Tony didn’t have it in him to tell her that he highly doubted he would ever stop looking at time like that again.

Yes, Halloween was approaching and it seemed to be all Morgan talked about. Despite this, Tony hadn’t asked her what she wanted to be yet. Memories of Morgan as a baby dressed as a bumble-bee and sleeping in Pepper’s arms flooded him. Pepper, who was wearing a lady bug cape to match and Tony had made fun of for following Hank Pym’s theme. The next year, Pepper had decked Morgan out as a lobster, with her and Tony as chefs.

When Morgan was two Tony decided it was his turn to pick. He had decided on “robot” and Pepper had agreed. She thought it was ridiculous that he built an actual robot suit, complete with a program to alter little Morgan’s voice to make it sound more robot-like, as well as a heater to prevent her from getting cold when they took her trick-or-treating. Pepper had told him that a cardboard box with tinfoil like all the other kids would have been fine, but when had Tony Stark done anything just “fine” when it could be great instead?

Last year, was perhaps the most bizarre of Morgan’s costumes. Morgan, at three, had become vocal enough to express her choice in costume. She only wanted to be one thing: a toothbrush. Pepper had tried to bargain with her to be virtually anything else but Morgan was Tony’s daughter, meaning she was overly stubborn and counterarguments only made her more determined. So, Pepper had bought foam as the body and straws to use as bristles and Morgan was a very happy toothbrush.

Tony could only imagine what his daughter would come up with this year.

***

It turned out it was actually Steve who had asked her what she wanted to be for Halloween. The four of them had been watching a movie one day and there were kids trick-or-treating on the screen. He asked Morgan and Peter what they wanted to be, to which Peter shrugged and said he hadn’t thought about it, and Morgan started bouncing up and down in excitement.

“I wanna be Iron Girl!” She squealed and Tony made a face. “Like Daddy… and Mommy too,” Morgan added after a moment.

Tony shook his head vehemently. “No, absolutely not.”

“Tony,” Steve turned to him.

“No, don’t you dare ‘Tony’ me,” he looked at his daughter who looked somewhere between immensely displeased and intrigued as to why her father was having a freak out. “I don’t want my four-year-old daughter in a suit prancing around and pretending to be an Avenger. Uh-uh, no way.”

“But I wanna be an Avenger!” Morgan said, not understanding how that could be a bad thing.

“No, choose another costume,” Tony put his foot down. Even Peter was giving him an odd look at his refusal.

“Daddy! Why?!”

“Morgan, you’re a smart girl. You know what happened to your mother,” he looked her in the eye and she frowned. “Let me tell you one thing… I have to protect the most important thing in my life, that’s you, and letting you become an Avenger is on par with neglect. So, no, no Avengers. Not while I’m still breathing. Pick something else.” For a moment, Morgan looked like she was going to cry, but she didn’t. She just sat there, looking at Tony as if he were her circuit board, something that needed tinkered with.

Tony stood up and walked to his office, shutting the door but not locking it. Steve followed him in, closing the door behind him and crossing his arms.

“Can’t a guy get some privacy in his own house?”

“Not when that guy has proved himself to be emotionally fragile.”

“Ouch, Rogers, ouch,” Tony slapped a hand over his heart in mockery. The demotion back to using last names did sting Steve a little bit, if he were to be perfectly honest.

“You know I can’t leave you alone. It was in -”

“In the agreement. Yes, I’m aware, but I’m not going to go and do anything drastic, I just need to be alone for a minute,” Tony threw up his arms in frustration but Steve didn’t move from his position.

“We don’t have to talk. You can be alone while I’m here,” he offered.

“That’s illogical,” Tony frowned.

“So is leaving a suicidal man alone in a room with engineering… things…” Steve gestured at random equipment, “at his disposal.”

“I’m not… like that, anymore. I ‘learnt my lesson’ or whatever so everyone can just stop with the kid gloves, alright?”

“I think your psychiatrist can be the judge of that.”

“Oh, don’t patronize me, Steve,” Tony spat at him.

“I wasn’t being patronizing!”

“Whatever.”

***

Halloween had come and Tony had yet to discuss it with Morgan since his little meltdown. Steve had taken Morgan costume-shopping one day, he knew, but what they’d picked out he didn’t bother enquiring about.

It hadn’t felt right decorating the house or carving pumpkins or anything, so Tony let Steve deal with all that. Tony had remembered from their short time living together that Steve was surprisingly very unfestive given the fact that his whole shtick made him appear as the human embodiment of the 4th of July. Despite this, Steve had still carved jack o'lanterns with Morgan and Peter and even bought a bag of candy for the very improbable occasion that any kids would come out to their highly secluded home.

Peter had had the idea to straight-up just go as Spider-Man which is why he was currently sitting on one of the couches in his full suit while playing a game on his phone. Cap had thought that that was a great idea, so he also sat wearing his uniform on the other couch, next to Tony who was under a goddamn sheet with eyeholes.

Tony had originally refused to wear any costume, joking that the only costume he’d need would be the sunglasses and baseball cap he would wear to avoid being spotted by the press. Unfortunately for Tony, this had given Steve a genius idea going off the idea of anonymity, causing Tony to be stuck wearing the most “anonymous” costume there was: the classic sheet ghost.

The two and a half men stopped to look up as they heard little footsteps come down the steps. There, standing at the bottom of the stairs, was Morgan dressed as a Baby Black Widow. The costume was a black jumpsuit, complete with a widow belt and even a little red wig which was adorably at a funny angle on Morgan’s head.

Steve’s vision started to blur a little, the same way it did the day they picked it out.

“Daddy, look, I’m Auntie Tasha!” Morgan gave Tony a toothy grin and suddenly Tony was glad for the sheet because his eyes were welling up too.

“я покончу с тобой,” Morgan did her best Nat impression and struck a fighter pose. Steve laughed, despite having absolutely no idea what she had just said.

“She knows Russian?” Peter squeaked out but was generally ignored by the other two men.

“Here, let me,” Tony shifted the wig so it sat straight on Morgan’s head and smiled at her. “There.”

“Wait, I need a picture for Clint,” Steve said, jumping up and grabbing his phone. He opened the camera app and held it up to focus on the ghost-dad and mini-Natasha.

“Wait, why is this just me?” Tony rolled his eyes.

“You need to flip the camera around, I’m guessing.” Peter lost it from his place on the couch, laughing uncontrollably.

“Well, how the hell do you do that?”

“Uncle Steve, that’s a bad word,” Morgan giggled and that’s when Tony gave a full belly-laugh too. It was the first time he’d genuinely laughed since Pepper…

“I’ll take it, just give me the phone,” Steve obliged and Tony switched positions with the blonde. “Your costumes are probably a better match anyway.”

Steve made a goofy face and Morgan threw a tiny punch. Tony took the photo and found himself looking at it for longer than was strictly necessary.

Steve looked more relaxed than Tony thought he’d ever seen him, face free from worry and hair a little messy. He was such a natural with Morgan, though he knew the man didn’t think he was. Morgan was as adorable as she always was, but especially so with the costume. Tony absolutely did not giggle at the way Morgan was frowning with her whole face.

“Did you get it?” Tony looked up and saw Steve picking up Morgan to put on his shoulders and then tap Peter on the leg to put away his phone.

“Yeah… yeah, I got it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had the heart-wrenching idea of Tony singing “yesterday” to Morgan and decided that I needed to make everyone else feel my pain too. 
> 
> The Russian phrase Morgan says means “I will end you” lmaooo (it was just google translated so probably isn’t completely accurate, please forgive me, actual russian speakers)
> 
> Next chapter will probably be up within the next few days (although it may be sooner, who knows)
> 
> Comments are always appreciated :)))


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some things are sorted out, some things get increasingly more complex...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All of this Marvel news coming out has me so excited, I’m ready for some actual representation in phase four !! That said i miss the og 6 so much (esp Tony and Steve) and I don’t think I’ll ever not be sad about it. 
> 
> Come say hi on [Twitter](https://mobile.twitter.com/is_this_therapy) !!
> 
> Enjoy this chapter!

“Daddy?” Morgan said inquisitively and Tony put down his Stark tablet.

“Morguna? He said, mimicking her tone. 

“Can I dye my hair red?” She batted her eyelashes at him and Tony groaned. 

“For the last time: absolutely not.” This had been all Tony had heard in the two weeks since Halloween.

“But, Daddy!”

“Don’t ‘but, Daddy’ me, I’ve already said no.”

“All I’m looking for is a justification,” Morgan held her hands up in surrender and Tony laughed.

“A justification, huh? Who taught you that word?” 

“You did, Daddy!” She giggled and Tony scooped her up onto his lap.

“I did, didn’t I? Why did I do that? Now, you’re gonna be smarter than me in no time,” Tony pouted at her. 

“Uncle Steve says I already am,” Morgan grinned and Tony snorted. 

“He said that?” Morgan nodded enthusiastically. “Well, he probably has a point.”

“So, where’s my justification?”

“My god, you’re getting sassy. How’s this: I’m your Dad and I said so… and also I love your hair just the way it is,” Tony ran his fingers through her hair and she frowned at him.

“Auntie Tasha had red hair.” 

“That she did,” Tony nodded in agreement.

“And so did Mommy.” Tony stopped his movement and looked at her.

“Mommy had strawberry blonde hair, actually.” Tony shocked himself by not crying as he said this; instead, giving his daughter a small smile. 

“Same thing,” Morgan shrugged.

“Okay, I’ll tell you what…”

“What?”

“When you turn sixteen, then you can dye your hair,” he proposed.

“ _Sixteen?_ That’s forever away,” Morgan’s jaw dropped and Tony had to stop himself from giggling at how cute it was when she was mad.

“Not forever… how long is it actually, math genius?”

Morgan didn’t hesitate before quickly answering: “Twelve years.”

“That’s right,” Tony nodded, “and when you compare that with how long the universe has been around for - hell, even how long Uncle Thor has been around for - well, then twelve years is a very short amount of time.”

“I guess so…” Morgan said slowly, eyeing him with caution, as if he was somehow pulling her leg. 

“You bet so,” Tony put Morgan down off his lap. “You know what we just did there?”

“What?” 

“We made a compromise. You know that word yet?” She shook her head and he grinned. “Good, I still have something to teach you then… a compromise is when two sides with different views on something each give a little in order to come to an agreement.” Morgan paused and Tony could see her brain work through it. 

“I get it,” she said after a moment. 

“I knew you would.” 

*** 

Steve seemingly blinked and suddenly it was Thanksgiving and everyone was gathering at the lakehouse for dinner put on by him and Tony (but mostly him.) Tony hadn’t been hesitant to have everyone over, per say, but Steve knew it was still a lot for him to be around all the other Avengers in most settings. Especially the lakehouse, considering the last gathering they had there was Pepper’s funeral. 

Tony, usually the center of every conversation, spent the whole night gazing off into the distance as his friends and former colleagues exchanged stories and goofed around. He smiled along and nodded when it was appropriate, but Steve saw his smile fall as soon as the attention was shifted away and his face became blank. 

This was not to say that Steve spent the entire night watching him or anything which he definitely didn’t because that would have been weird and there was no reason for him to do that. 

Steve wasn’t the only one who noticed Tony’s odd (but expected) silence. Peter kept on shooting concerned glances over at his mentor when he thought no one was looking. It hurt to see Mr. Stark hurt, but there was nothing he could really do about it. Or at least, so he thought. 

“Is Mr. Stark okay do you think, Pete?” Aunt May had asked him in a hushed voice as they helped to clear the dinner dishes while Bucky had gone to grab the pumpkin pies from the kitchen. Bucky had claimed it was ‘un-American’ to have Thanksgiving without pumpkin pie and vowed to bring one when Steve, Mr. America himself, appalled everyone by saying he hadn’t picked one up yet for the dinner. 

“Um, yeah, I guess…” Peter shrugged. “We haven’t really talked much about everything and I don’t know, I mean it’s pretty obvious that it’s really weighing on him.”

“Have you thought about maybe bringing it up sometime? I think it’s really great that he has that therapist of his, by the way, but it might do him so good to talk to someone who knows him personally about it. Especially someone who has an idea of what he’s going through.” May knocked her shoulder against Peter’s and he nodded.

“I don’t know… but maybe…” Peter wasn’t too sure how Mr. Stark would take any attempts at bringing up what happened considering he had barely even mentioned Pepper’s name since her death. The only person who was really even allowed to bring her up was Morgan. 

“It’s always nice to offer, even if he doesn’t want to right away.” They finished bringing the dirty dishes to the sink when Peter frowned. 

“How did you know about the therapist?” He turned to his aunt who looked slightly guilty. 

“Happy told me,” she shrugged.

“Huh.” 

*** 

As the superheroes ate their pumpkin pie, the talk shifted from fun stories and reminiscing to serious work talk that made Steve’s head hurt. Construction on the Avengers Compound was delayed further than expected which was the main topic for discussion. The Avengers who were living at the Compound prior to its destruction were either staying with friends or being housed on behalf of Stark Industries (no thanks to Tony, who was still MIA with regards to his company.) However, a permanent solution was needed, and soon. 

As selfish as it was, Steve sort of glad that construction was delayed, because after his old room was rebuilt, what purpose did he have hanging around and living in Tony’s house? He wasn’t ready to leave, to go back and be Captain America again. He was enjoying his life for the first time since he got out of the ice, maybe even ever. There was no war to fight that couldn’t be fought without him now, no sense of impending doom. 

Of course, there was always going to be conflict, that was just a part of life. For the first time, Steve didn’t feel the overwhelming need to insert himself into it. Maybe it was because he finally found something to end the fight for. 

“Steve?” Steve looked up to see the table staring at him as he played with his pumpkin pie. 

“Yes?” 

“I was just saying how you’ll have your work cut out for you when you guys all get back to work,” Maria Hill raised her eyebrows at Steve.

“What do you mean by that?” 

“Since we’re down by one leader or trainer or whatever you want to call it…” Oh. She meant Natasha. Steve blinked rapidly to prevent any tears from falling. 

“Sure, I guess…” 

“I think we’ll all have our work cut out for us,” Sam added. 

“Nat’s shoes are too big to ever really fill,” Clint nodded and Laura rubbed his shoulders. He gave a thankful look towards his wife and grabbed her hand. 

Tony abruptly stood up from the table, scraping his chair backwards, and walked through to the kitchen. Rhodey got up and went after him before Steve could do the same himself. 

Twenty-five minutes later, Tony emerged, all visibly-forced smiles, and asked if anyone wanted a coffee or anything before the went home. Most of them politely declined and soon enough the cars were pulling out of the driveway. 

Steve started working on the ridiculously high stack of dishes by the sink with Rhodey, who had decided to stay the night after Tony’s mini episode. 

“You know,” he started, breaking the pleasantly formed silence, “believe me when I say that this is something I never thought I would say… like ever… but I think you’re actually kind of good for him right now.” 

Steve’s face heated up a little and he looked at Rhodey incredulously.

“Tony’s always been such a mess, for as long as I’ve known him really. Pepper - Pepper managed to give him some stability in his life even when he didn’t recognize it. I think you might be able to do the same,” Rhodey leaned against the counter and crossed his arms.

“That said, if you do anything to fuck with him I will go all War Machine on your ass.” 

Steve nodded. “Your ass is wet from leaning on the ledge,” he pointed out and Rhodey cursed and pushed away from the wet counter. It was a little bit petty, but Steve couldn’t help himself. Tony really was rubbing off on him. 

*** 

After Thanksgiving, Tony had decided that enough was enough: he was putting his head back into it and taking over his temporarily passed off responsibilities at Stark Industries. He tried not to focus on how ecstatic Steve was when he walked by his office (still with the door open, because apparently Tony was a child) and saw him with his laptop open, paperwork sprawled out everywhere. Steve tried to nonchalantly pass it off, but Tony saw his puppy-dog grin before he could. 

Morgan, on the other hand, was not very pleased that her Daddy suddenly had a job again. She did seem to be interested in what he was doing, especially when he pulled up holographic specs of new tech he was working on. The way her eyes lit up and she beamed when he would take a few minutes to explain what he was doing to her made his chest tighten. He vowed then that he would always take five minutes to teach her something new whenever he spent hours designing tech. It would always be worth it to see that look. 

The CEO dilemma was another issue entirely and one that took a lot more ass-kissing than Tony would have liked. 

“C’mon, platypus. You’re really saying you’ve never had any interest in being a CEO?” Rhodey just groaned at his best friend’s antics. 

“Tony, you can’t just lay this on me, man, I’m serious. Just in case you need a reminder, I already have a job. And it’s a pretty goddamn cool job too.” Tony rolled his eyes in disregard to this fact. 

“It would only be until Pete is old enough to take the reins himself.” 

“Yeah, and that’s still what? Three years away?”

“Technically, five,” Tony corrected. 

“Tony!” 

“Look, I could bump up anyone on the Board and I’m sure they’d do a,” Tony looked for the right word, “decent job - provided they don’t make a murder bot and try to kill me or something. But I’m asking you because I trust you and I trust your judgement. Everyone already knows you as War Machine and they all love you. You can still be War Machine, too, obviously. I know it’s not really your style, but I think you’d be damn good at it.” 

“I think you need to put some more thought into who you’re willing to just hand over your entire company to,” Rhodey put on the appearance of distaste, but Tony could see through his facade. 

“I’ve given it more thought than you think.”

“Oh yeah?”

“At least,” Tony paused, “ten minutes worth.”

“Tony,” Rhodey started again, pinching the bridge of his nose. 

“How much more do I have to suck up to you before you’ll agree?” Rhodey still looked mildly unimpressed and Tony changed his approach. “Last time I appointed my successor it turned out to be one of the best decisions I’ve ever made... Will you at least think about it for me? Please?” 

Rhodey hesitated for a moment before throwing his arms in the air. “Fine! I’ll think about it and give you an answer later. Happy?” 

“With you? Always. Thanks, honey bear,” Tony slapped Rhodey on the back. “Love ya, bud.” 

“Yeah, yeah,” Rhodey playfully shoved him off and Tony grinned. He was _so_ going to take the job.

He took the job. Within a week, Rhodey was “begrudgingly” doing press to officially announce his start as CEO of Stark Industries (though Tony knew he secretly loved all the attention.) The announcement was good for business and stock prices - which had dipped down with the uncertainty that came with Pepper’s death and Tony’s disappearance from the public eye - went back up to higher than they were before. _GQ_ was writing an article on Rhodey entitled ‘Rhodes to Success’ which Tony thought was the funniest thing he’d ever heard. Rhodey did not share Tony’s amusement.

***

Tony had been so caught up with everything that he almost didn’t realize which day it was when he woke up on December 16th. Key word being _almost._ It was a Saturday, meaning Peter was at his aunt’s house and he was stuck in the house with the kid and Captain Nice-Ass. After a second of thought, Tony groaned, burying his face in his pillow, brainstorming all the ways he could suffocate himself without getting up. Unfortunately for him, not even five minutes later he could hear little footsteps racing across the hard-wood flooring and jump onto his bed. 

”Hi, Morgan,” he said without opening his eyes. 

“Daddy, guess what, guess what?” Morgan shook his shoulder and Tony dramatically opened one eye. 

“What?”

“There’s only nine days until Christmas!”

Tony swallowed the lump in his throat and weakly smiled. “Yep.”

“You know what we're going to do today?” She smirked.

“Lie in bed and regret our life choices?” Morgan frowned deeply at him.

 _“No._ Uncle Steve wants to watch Christmas movies! He said it would be fun because he’s never seen any.”

Tony opened both eyes at that bold-faced lie. “Well, Uncle Steve is a liar because I forced him to watch _Home Alone_ before you were born so he’s seen at least one.”

It had been during their time at Avengers Tower and Steve had loved it, even if he wouldn’t fully admit to it. They’d never gotten around to watching any others because of a last-minute mission that ruined Tony’s attempts at team bonding over the holidays and instead thrust them back into battle. Pepper had been really pissed off over that one when he didn’t show up until after New Year’s Day. 

“C’mon, Daddy, get up,” Morgan pulled on his arm and he slowly let himself be dragged upwards until he was sitting. Begrudgingly, he stood and picked her up off of his bed, carrying her to the living room. 

There, Tony saw Steve already reclining on the couch, hot chocolate in hand. There were two more mugs on the coffee table (on coasters, of course, Steve wasn’t a barbarian) along with a plate of waffles. Steve had some serious bedhead and Tony believed this was the first time he’d seen Steve in pajamas, considering usually he already was out of the house at ungodly hours for his morning run. 

Steve scratched at the beard he had started to grow again shortly after the last fight against Thanos. Morgan squirmed until Tony put her down and then catapulted herself onto the couch, climbing onto Steve’s lap who held her now like it was a natural reflex.

“The waffles are for you,” Steve gestured to them and Tony gave him a look.

“What, are you two going to sustain yourselves off of hot chocolate alone?” He crossed his arms and inspected the waffles as if Steve poisoned them.

“We’ve already ate,” Steve said. “It’s 10 o’clock, Tony.”

“That’s too early for me to be up on a Saturday,” Tony complained and Steve shared a look with Morgan. 

“He’s not a morning guy, huh?” 

“He’s not even an _afternoon_ guy, Uncle Steve!” Morgan giggled and Steve snorted. 

“That’s correct.”

“Hey!” Tony protested, mouth full of the admitted-delicious waffles. “You know,” Tony swallowed, “I don’t appreciate my daughter and Captain America in cohorts against me.”

“What’s co-whore?” Morgan asked and Steve cleared his throat in amusement.

“It’s ‘cohort,’ sweetie,” Tony told her, “and it means a group of people who sort of team up together.” Steve smiled at the soft tone he used for his explanation and the way Morgan nodded along, just like her father. 

“So, are the Avengers like a cohort then?” Steve and Tony looked at each other for a moment, then shrugged. 

“I guess so, yeah,” Morgan lit up when Tony said this.

“So, you’re,” she took her time with the pronunciation of the new word, “ _in cohorts_ against the bad guys.”

“Yeah, we are, doll,” Steve ruffled her hair and suddenly Tony was reminded of his father. He’d call practically every woman he’d ever met ‘doll’ as he blatantly flirted with them, even in front of his wife. It had pissed Tony off so badly as a teenager to see his mother sit idly by while Howard made advances on every waitress, secretary, or intern he could set his eyes on.

When Steve said ‘doll,’ it was sort of endearing, regardless of how forever tainted the word was in his head. Tony felt his face heat up, but whether or not it was from the godawful memory of his father or the change in tone Steve’s voice had whenever he talked to Morgan was unknown. 

“Well, shall we start the first movie?” Tony finally asked and the other two nodded.

*** 

Tony sat in the tiny chair by Morgan’s play tent and stared up at the clouded sky. It was fucking freezing, but he wasn’t going to let something as stupid as temperature ruin anything. It was odd, being in a forest not overly far from where his parents had died on the anniversary of their death. Before, Tony had always been in Malibu or later the city, but the last five years had forced him to reopen the wound of his parents in a way that ran almost deeper than finding out about Bucky had. 

He had forgiven Bucky as much as he could, understanding that yes, of course wasn’t his fault, but as much Tony could forgive him, Bucky still had the same face as the guy who had strangled his mom in cold blood. 

The last five years made him deal with his parent’s deaths in a different way. With location, yes, but also with the new “Dad lens” he saw things through now that he was a parent. This year brought with it another development: Morgan had lost her mom too, albeit in extremely different circumstances. He was mourning Pepper too today. 

Tony didn’t have to even hear the familiar footsteps to know that Steve would soon be joining him. It became almost normal for the two of them to sit out here and talk. Or just sit. 

The latter seemed to be the current case, as Steve just stood by. He was about to sit down onto the frosted grass but Tony stopped him, grabbing his bicep before he could. He stood up and poked his head inside the tent, rustling around a bit before emerging with a second chair. Steve’s jaw nearly dropped. Tony placed it next to his and gestured down at it. 

“Has that been here the whole time?” Steve asked in disbelief.

“Yep.” 

“And you’ve decided to bring it out just now?” His tone turned to teasing.

“Yep… you can think of it as an invitation, if you really want,” Tony shrugged, sitting back down into his own chair.

Steve sat down next to him, the chair creaking under his weight. He looked to Tony with concern, but it seemed to be fine. Hopefully, it wouldn’t buckle out from underneath him. His breath came out in clouds as he exhaled and he smiled a bit to himself, just like how he used to as a kid whenever it got cold out. He was usually immediately ushered back inside by his mother to prevent him from catching a cold, but it was always fun for the few moments before.

He felt a hand brush over his own and Steve grabbed it. It froze, as if caught. The fingers slowly grasped back and Steve didn’t have to look over to know Tony was staring at him. 

He gave the hand a squeeze and focused back on the reflection of the lake. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter... in the next one things get spicy...
> 
> Comments make me smile :))


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter and the next chapter were actually supposed to be one, but it was getting too long so I decided to cut it into two :P

As most four-year-olds were, Morgan was euphoric over the upcoming prospect of Christmas. Steve and Tony were… less so. Tony was… well, he couldn’t bring himself to be overly excited about anything in recent times. Understandably so, of course. Steve, on the other hand, was never really big into holidays. He wasn’t a Scrooge or anything, but he could never be bothered to go all out when celebrating. 

However, both men were willing to get over whatever resentment they held for the holiday season to make it perfect for Morgan. After everything that had happened over the past few months, this was something they had to make right for her.

It was Sam and Bucky who had suggested having the holidays at the Stark (and Rogers) residence for the team. They argued that after Thanksgiving, it just made sense. Considering there was nowhere else for the team to gather besides what, Missouri with the Bartons, no thanks, it was agreed that Christmas would be at the lakehouse.

“I’m not saying it’s too small or anything, but how are we going to do this?” Steve looked down at T-chart he had drawn on the notepad he was holding and frowned.

“That’s what she said,” Tony couldn’t help himself and Steve rolled his eyes. On one side of the chart was the rough guest list for Christmas, the other side had the available rooms and their current inhabitants listed.

“The Barton kids can stay on the couches in the living room,” Steve crossed out their names from the list and wrote ‘ _Baby Barton x 3’_ next to ‘ _living room.’_

“Right, they’re kids, their backs will recover,” Tony nodded.

“Pete wouldn’t mind being kicked out of his room temporarily, would he?” 

“I don’t think he gets much of a say, but I don’t think he would,” Tony shook his head before calling out, “Pete! C’mere please.”

Peter poked his head into the kitchen, where Steve and Tony were standing, almost immediately. Knowing the kid, he was probably already listening somewhere nearby. Damn his super-hearing. 

“Yep?” Peter looked wide-eyed between the two men, walking further in.

“You wouldn’t mind staying in Morgan’s room over the holidays while we have everyone over, would you, kid?” Steve asked him. 

“No! Not at all!” Peter was suspiciously enthusiastic and Tony and Steve each raised an eyebrow at him.

“What kind of teenager is fully okay with being kicked out of his personal space for nearly a week?” Tony crossed his arms.

Peter looked hesitant. “The kind who’s never really had any extended family to have over for the holidays before?” He said in a small voice. “It’s just,” he spoke up, “well, May and Ben were my only extended family before my parents… and when they took me in that was it. So, I’ve never really had a ‘big family Christmas’ or anything before.” 

Steve smiled, he could relate to the kid, having grown up with his mom and Bucky and not much else. The Avengers were like family to all of them. 

“Is that all?” Peter asked and Tony nodded. “Okay, I should probably go work on some school stuff, but what’s for dinner?” Peter shot a web to open the fridge door and another to grab himself an apple.

“Chicken Alfredo,” Steve responded and Peter fist-pumped as he took an enormous bite of the apple. 

“Oh, hell yeah!” He said as he chewed and Steve glared.

“Language _and_ manners, please,” Steve sounded exasperated and Tony casually held a hand over his mouth to cover his smirk.

“Sorry, Captain Rogers,” Peter shrugged a little and headed likely back to his own room, or the ‘Spider-Cave’ as Tony liked to call it. “See you for dinner!”

“Yeah, see you, kiddo,” Tony shouted back and then turned to Steve. “Told you he wouldn’t mind.”

“Alright, so Peter and Morgan in her room… we could put Clint and Laura in your office? There’s a blow-up mattress,” _in the garage,_ Steve was going to say but stopped himself, “somewhere around the house, right?”

“Yep,” Tony cleared his throat. “Wilson and Barnes coming?” Steve glanced over to see Tony’s shoulders tense at his own mention of the two and Steve sighed.

“They don’t exactly have anywhere else to go,” he said with more hostility than he meant. 

“They’re more than welcome to come,” Tony backtracked a little, knowing that Steve had picked up on his hesitance.

“I know,” Steve looked at him and Tony stopped. “Buck’s actually Jewish, but he always used to come over to my apartment for Christmas when we were kids every year.” Steve shrugged, looking back to his list.

“Barnes is Jewish? How did I not know that?” 

“I don’t think it’s in his files…”

“Still,” Tony twitched, “seems like something I should know.” Steve didn’t have a response for that, so they just stood there, Steve tapping his pen against the notebook.

After a prolonged second, Tony swallowed. “My mom was Jewish, well, she was an Italian Jew.. her, uh, her parents managed to escape during the war and came to New York. Anyway,” he shrugged, “my dad raised me Catholic regardless, so…” Tony trailed off.

It was probably the most Steve had ever heard Tony talk about his mother. He was silent, hoping that Tony could continue talking and he did, just not about what Steve wanted to hear. 

“So, who else do we need to sort out?”

“Uh,” Steve stammered, “May, Happy, Sam, and Bucky… We should invite Wanda, she has no one else to go to,” Tony nodded in agreement, “and we need to figure out you and me too, I guess. Would you be okay with, maybe, sleeping upstairs-”

“No,” Tony snapped. “Not yet,” his voice softened and Steve nodded.

“Okay… well, then we could stick May and Happy in Peter’s room,” Steve started and Tony stuck out a hand.

“Woah, woah, woah, May as in Parker and Happy as in Hogan?” Steve nodded, because _yes, obviously. “_ And we’re putting them in Peter’s room… _together_?” 

“Yes, Tony, where have you been?” Steve sighed.

“I’m sorry, are they like ‘boyfriend-girlfriend’ now?” Tony laughed and Steve thought it was sort of amusing, but also disrespectful, of course.

“I don’t think it’s really any of our business, but I suppose so, yes.”

“Wow, that I did not see coming… Huh.” Tony crossed his arms and seemed to ponder this thoughtfully before moving on. Happy was definitely going to get a very unwelcome phone call later. 

“Since we're not using the, uh, other bedroom… or the upstairs office,” _Pepper’s office and the master bedroom_ , he meant, “then I’m sure Wanda wouldn’t mind staying with Peter and Morgan, she loves the kids… and we could stick Sam and Bucky in my room and hope they don’t kill themselves… and if it’s okay with you, I could stay in yours…” Steve avoided eye contact and felt himself blushing even if the proposition wasn’t the least bit suggestive. “Just for the holidays,” he added, as if that wasn’t obvious enough.

“I mean,” Tony looked away too, “whatever.”

“Then, it’s set.”

***

The next couple of days included more actual holiday preparation than Steve would ever like to admit. Turns out hosting ten guests at your house for nearly a week is harder than expected. Steve spent all of his time cleaning and cooking and planning and it took more out of him than fighting ever did. Steve’s (already massive) respect for his own mother tripled. 

It was two days before Christmas Eve and Steve needed to go get a Christmas tree. He had put it off for the past few days because it had been very heavily snowing but the snow had stopped, though a thick blanket still rested on the ground, and so Steve took the opportunity. 

“Morgan?” The girl looked up at him and smiled. “Do you want to come chop down a Christmas tree?” Her eyes widened.

“You’re going to cut a tree down? For real?”

“Yes, for real.” 

Morgan made an excited noise and jumped up and down. Tony walked over to the small closet by the entryway of the house and grabbed the tiny purple snowsuit and her matching boots. He kneeled down to help Morgan into the snowsuit one foot at a time. She wobbled a little but kept her balance by holding tightly onto his shoulder.

“Are you going to come with us?” Steve pulled on his own coat and then hunted for a scarf, pulling out an obnoxious orange one and grimacing.

“You should wear that one,” Tony ignored his first question and zipped up Morgan’s snowsuit. 

“I think I’ll pass, thank you,” he put the scarf back and opted to just go without one. It couldn’t be too cold, right?

“Can you grab her mittens?” Steve found the pair and handed them to Tony. “Thanks.”

“I’ll take it as a no, you’re not coming?” It sometimes irked Steve that Tony was incapable of giving a straight answer to any given question. He always had to weasel his way around it, even if it wasn’t a big deal.

“Why don’t you ask Peter?” Morgan plopped down on the floor so Tony could better help her pull on her boots. He laced them up for her, then picked her up so she was back on her feet.

“I already did. He said he was in the middle of a video telephone call,” Steve said and Tony snorted. 

“Well, then I better keep him company here.” Tony stood up to admire his work: Morgan seemed to be completely head-to-toe covered and protected from the elements, to the point where her snowsuit was puffy enough that she couldn’t quite fully put her arms down.

“Don’t use Peter as an excuse not to come, Tony. I’m worried about you,” Tony rolled his eyes because, really, who wasn’t? “I don’t think you’ve left the house once since October.” 

Why did Steve always feel the need to make a scene at inconvenient times? Though, really, there wasn’t much about the time that was inconvenient, it was more so that having this discussion at all was _always_ going to be a personal inconvenience for Tony.

“Why would I leave the house when I’ve got all I need right here?” Tony flashed Steve the kind of fake grin that Steve recognized as his ‘charming businessman’ smile. The one he used when he needed to get his way. For some reason, it made Steve’s stomach turn and he focused on Morgan hobbling over to him. She walked very penguin-like due to her snowsuit restricting her body movement and it was endearing. 

Steve gave Tony his best ‘we’ll be talking about this later’ look and Tony sighed in defeat. 

“Alright, darling, shall we go?” Morgan nodded.

“We shall,” she stuck out her hand and Steve clutched it in his own. 

“Say bye to Daddy,” Steve instructed and Morgan waved.

“Bye, Daddy!”

“Bye, Morguna,” Tony watched from the door as they trekked out into the snow, Steve with an axe in one hand and Morgan’s tiny mitt-clad hand in the other.

Tony pressed his head against the glass and let out a slow breath, fogging up the glass until it obscured his view of them.

The office door shut behind him and Tony smiled as he heard the satisfying _click_ of the lock being turned into place. It wasn’t that he was necessarily trying to hide from anyone (anyone meaning Peter, the only other person in the house) but having his privacy restricted for so long - two months and three days, not that he was counting - made him crave it. 

He craved locking doors and not having to explain himself every time he was alone almost as much as he craved booze or his other substances of choice while he was getting clean over the years. It became something he needed; something that he got pissy over when he didn’t have it. 

So, he was taking advantage of the opportunity. He sat down at his desk slowly, careful not to shift any of the papers sprawled over the surface of the desk out of place. The desk stretched across the wall and had a wall windows in front of it. The windows doubled as displays for modeling tech and whatever else he needed them for. 

Really, Tony could do anything he wanted to as he wasn’t being hovered over like a child. He glanced at the files and SI paperwork and decided that they could definitely wait until Morgan was back in the house to distract him from them. Sure, Tony could tinker or work on specs for suits for a couple of the Avengers that were due for an upgrade, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. 

Despite his lack of doing anything, he wasn’t actually bored. Or at least more bored than usual. He was always in a bit of a perpetual state of bored but that’s what came with spending his whole life as a genius who rarely found things to intellectually challenge him. 

He ended up electing to just stare out at the lake. It wasn’t frozen solid yet but if the temperature dropped much further there was a good chance it would. Maybe Steve would want to take Morgan out and teach her how to ice skate. _Did Steve know how to ice skate?_ Tony wondered. _Of course he did, they had to do something back in the thirties for entertainment during the winter._

Tony propped up his chin on his hand only to jump away in shock. His wedding ring was fucking freezing and wasn’t that just appropriate? Tony rubbed at the cool metal to warm it up and ended up compulsively twisting it around and around his finger. 

He didn’t mean to start crying, but it happened anyway. He’d cried more in the past two and a half months then he ever had in his life. It was embarrassing, yes, but it wasn’t like it was unjustified.

He hadn’t exactly heard the knocking over his tears and thoughts, so when the knocks escalated to insistent banging on the door, Tony jolted up.

“Mr. Stark?” Peter’s voice was distraught and before Tony could answer, the door busted open, lock cracking open and door flinging open with enough momentum to knock pictures off of the wall. 

“Jesus, kid, what?” Tony rolled over in his spinny chair to pick up the picture that fell. It was of him and Pepper in the hospital. They were both looking down at the squirming pink blob in Pepper’s arms in complete amazement. Tony only allowed himself to admire it for a moment, before placing it face-down on the desk. 

“Don’t do it, Mr. Stark, please!” Peter pleaded with him and Tony frowned.

“Peter, what’s going on here?”

“Well, I thought…” It only now occurred to the kid to look around the room and take in what he was seeing. Nothing was too eschew other than the files on the desk, but knowing Mr. Stark it would have been more concerning to see the desk cleared off. 

Tony narrowed his eyes at his mentee, already predicting where his train of thought was going.

“I thought you were gonna…” Peter cut himself off with a loud, bitten back sob and that was _not_ what Tony was expecting. 

“Oh, kid,” Tony stood up and opened his arms. Peter ran into him in the exact same way Morgan did and just cried into his shirt. “Hey, it’s okay, don’t worry about it.”

“You locked the door,” Peter choked out, “why would you lock the door?” _Shit_. Tony rubbed his back and tried to come up with an explanation that didn’t sound too half-assed.

“I just… needed a moment,” he settled on, “by myself.”

“Last time…” Peter started. Neither of them had to finish the sentence.

“I know, okay? I was in a bad place and I wasn’t thinking straight. But, hey, look at me,” he tilted Peter’s chin towards him so the teenager was looking at him in the eye, “I promise I’m not gonna do anything like that ever again.”

Peter let out another whimper and Tony pulled him closer to him, cradling the back of his head to his chest. It wasn’t that Tony did have those types of thoughts cross his mind anymore, because he did. They were much less frequent, yes, but he didn’t think the basic ‘it should have been me, I was the one who deserved to die’ would ever really go away.

“Hey, hey, it’s gonna be okay. Besides, I have too many responsibilities to deal with, I can’t kill myself,” Tony quipped but it fell heavy in the air. Tony gave him a squeeze. “It’s gonna be okay, Pete, I swear.”

Forty-five minutes of silence and two whopping bowls of _Stark Raving Hazelnuts_ ice cream later, Peter cleared his throat and looked to Tony who was licking his spoon.

“I just,” his voice was still a little raspy and he had to stop to clear his throat again, “I just want you to know that you can talk to me about this kind of stuff.”

To Tony, if Peter’s meltdown earlier had said anything, it was that the subject was probably to be avoided.

“I know you probably think that because of what happened in your office you can’t, but you can, I swear. You just caught me off-guard there.” _Was mind-reading one of Peter’s superpowers?_ “When my uncle, Ben, died it was really tough on May and me.”

“No shit,” Peter graciously chose to ignore Tony’s comment. 

“But I still had May to talk to when things got really bad. And she had me, too. I think the worst part was when something good would happen,” Peter said and Tony inhaled sharply through his nose. “It was worse because you felt bad that the person couldn’t be there, but you also felt bad because you’re enjoying something that that person will never get to again.” 

Tony didn’t say anything and so Peter continued, “Mr. Stark, just so someone’s told you it, I just want to say that it’s okay to let yourself be, y’know, happy… Pepper wouldn’t be mad at you for having a life after her.”

Logically, Tony knew this already. Just like Tony logically knew that he wouldn’t have been mad at Pepper for moving on if it had been him who had died. It was more than that. It was every small reminder that she hasn’t there, from her untouched clothes in their room to the curtains in the kitchen that she picked out. Most of all, he saw her in Morgan which was by far the most painful. 

As guilty as he was about it, it was secretly a relief to him that she had more of his features then hers. The features she inherited from her mother hurt him enough as it was. If she had been born a strawberry blonde with blue eyes it might have just broken him to see her everyday. 

“I know,” Tony patted Peter’s shoulder and Peter gave him a sympathetic look that Tony didn’t appreciate seeing.

“I know you know… but I just thought someone should say it either way.” Peter stood up and grabbed the two dirty bowls. Tony watched as he put them in the sink, rinsing out the bit of melted ice cream in the bottom of each. 

“Kid?” Tony heard himself say and Peter turned around, his eyes cartoonishly wide.

“Yeah, Mr. Stark?”

“I’m really glad you’re here,” Tony said and meant it. Peter’s shoulders seemed to relax a little bit and he paused for a second before nodding at him. 

“Thank you, Mr. Stark.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this chapter! The next one will be up later today or tomorrow because it’s pretty much already written. After that, we’re out of the holiday stuff and into some exciting things I have planned out. 
> 
> Comments make me smile :)


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here’s part two of the previous chapter lol
> 
> come say hi on [twitter](https://mobile.twitter.com/is_this_therapy) !
> 
> enjoy :)

A few hours later, the outline of a man came into view outside the lakehouse. In one hand was a tree being dragged behind him with the same effort most would use to carry a suitcase. In the other hand was the axe used to chop down the evergreen. On his shoulders, sat a little girl who clung to the man, her mitt-covered hands bracing herself around his chin. 

“Peter, come help with the tree!” Tony hollered from the front porch where he stood shivering. He crossed his arms over his chest to retain as much body heat as he could while he waited for the pair to reach the door. His socks were getting wet from the droplets of snow on the doormat and he curled his toes up in disgust. 

A second later, the teenager appeared behind him. He leaned against the doorframe as he struggled with his sneakers before dashing out to help Steve. 

Tony watched the interaction between the blonde and his kids and felt his lips turn upwards just a bit. Steve bent down so Peter could grab Morgan from off his shoulders and he smiled at her before putting her down. She ran off - ran is a bit of an exaggeration considering the limitations of her bulky snowsuit - towards her father yelling about how amazing the tree, and Steve, were. Tony agreed wholeheartedly.

***

Once the tree was inside and set up, Morgan had begged Tony to bring out the decorations and who was he to deny her that? As Tony trekked off towards the dreaded garage Steve shot him a look that said  _ ‘are you sure you’re okay with this?’ _ to which Tony shrugged and looked down pointedly at his daughter’s head, as if to say ‘ _ it’s for the kid, what can you do?’  _ Steve sighed, but didn’t protest when Tony went alone to fetch the boxes of holiday trinkets. 

Tony stood in the door to the garage with the lights off, taking a deep breath before flicking the switch on. His eyes immediately flickered over to the small collection of cars sitting idly by. He couldn’t help but feel shitty about the whole ordeal, but chose to focus on the task at hand. 

The garage had always been his domain, with few traces of Pepper in sight. It was practically his in-home workshop with his untouched projects spread all over the place. If Tony was being honest, he would admit that he longed to have his workshop on his hands again. 

During the first few years with Morgan, it was true that he barely missed his tinkering. He submitted his designs for Stark Industries, as he always had, but part of his retirement had included giving up much of his engineering playtime in exchange for having actual playtime with his child. 

Now, things had changed and he needed some semblance of normal again. The idea of having a proper workshop again - not a state-of-the-arc garage or home office with too many engine pieces to count as an office - excited him in new ways. Being able to mess around with Peter or Morgan - or Peter  _ and  _ Morgan, once the younger was a bit older - gave him a warm feeling in his chest. 

It was time for a change. 

Tony pulled himself out of his thoughts and properly searched around for the boxes of decorations. He found them with little effort and tried not to get too choked up when he saw Pepper’s neat handwriting labeling them. 

“Daddy, I wanna put the star on the tree!” Morgan jumped up and down once he returned.

“You will, Morguna, just wait until we put everything else on first. Star’s last, remember?” Tony ruffled her hair and Morgan beamed.

Once everything else was hanging neatly, Morgan dug around and pulled out the star topper. 

“Up!” She looked between Steve and Tony waiting for one of them to lift her. 

“Morgan, what do we say when we want something?” Steve raised his eyebrows at her and Tony chuckled. 

“Up,  _ please _ ,” she huffed and even Peter laughed in the background. 

“Yes, Your Highness,” Steve quipped. He looked at Tony for permission and Tony shrugged. 

“I’m getting old, Spangles, you do the honors.” 

Steve carefully lifted the girl so she could stick the star on the top of the tree. It took her a minute, but she got it. Steve put her on his hip and smiled at her. Morgan grabbed onto his face and grinned.

Tony stood back, taking in the image of the blonde. Now that Tony was paying attention, he could see how the man had aged over the past few years. There was a small streak of grey that somehow managed to compliment him and the beginnings of crow’s feet around his eyes. Tony had a moment of panic realizing that if Steve was starting to catch up to his own age, then Tony must look awful. Despite the signs that time had passed, Steve looked more at peace than Tony had ever seen him before and it was wonderful.

***

Christmas Eve came with the hoard of misplaced Avengers all gathering around the lakehouse. It also came with a Tony trying desperately not to compare every minuscule detail of the festivities to what Pepper used to do in the years prior. Of course, she was on his mind, but it wasn’t as hard as he had thought it would be.

He and Pepper both had their own reasons not to be too positively attached to Christmas - Tony’s reasons revolving around his unpleasant childhood paired with the death of his parents, while Pepper’s had been more of a general distaste for the holiday. This had made it minorly easier to deal with. 

When they had Morgan, the couple had put aside their own indifference towards the holiday for their daughter and it was without a doubt the girl’s favourite holiday. Morgan’s excitement for Christmas acted as the antidote for Tony’s own holiday depression and he came to the conclusion that if he put all his effort into his daughter, then the day might not be completely shit.

As their friends poured in throughout the day, Tony was in a shockingly agreeable mood. Even Rhodey gave him an amiable look when he realized the man wasn’t having one of his mood swings. 

Bucky and Sam had barreled through the door near five o’clock and were the last to arrive. 

Steve had greeted Bucky with a firm hug. “Merry Christmas, jerk,” he said as he patted the other man’s back.

“Happy Hanukkah, punk,” Bucky replied with a smirk. They let go and Bucky gave a polite nod in the direction of Tony. Tony returned the nod and made up an excuse to exit towards the kitchen. 

“Long time, no see, Cap,” Sam said and Steve shrugged amusedly. 

“That’s what happens when you live in different states.”

“You could always come back to D.C. you know. It would be nice to have a mediator again.” Sam shot a glare at Bucky who rolled his eyes in response.

“That’s a key reason to stay here in itself,” Steve shot back and Sam laughed.

“Seriously though, man, when are you planning on getting back into it?” 

Steve rubbed the back of his neck. “Well… I’m not sure I’m going to yet,” his tone was more reserved than normally and Sam took this to mean he was being serious. 

“Really?”

“I’m needed here and, well, it might be nice to have a life,” Steve glanced over to the kitchen. Sam was taken aback, but looked almost impressed. 

“We’ll talk later, hey?” Steve nodded at Sam.

Christmas Eve had ran smoothly enough. After the group ate dinner and the kids were put to bed, they sat around and talked for hours. Everyone went to bed in waves until the only people at the dinner table were Sam, Bucky, Rhodey, Steve, and Tony. Before everyone went to bed, they stuck their presents under the tree and gave the appearance that Santa had visited by eating the cookies and milk that Morgan had left out before she went to bed. 

“Well, the kids are out cold, the presents have been put out, and Daddy is fucking exhausted. I think it’s time for bed.” Tony stood up slowly from his spot at the dining table, stretching out his joints.

“You  _ know _ I hate it when you call yourself Daddy in the third person, especially when Mogan isn’t even here to witness it,” Rhodey glared at his best friend but Tony just smirked in response. 

“Well, I think it’s definitely time for bed,” Steve stood up abruptly.

“I do have to agree with that,” Rhodey glanced over at the kitchen clock. It was after two in the morning and considering there were children in the house who were most definitely going to wake up at the asscrack of dawn, they’d be lucky to get four hours of sleep on Christmas Day. “So,” Rhodey looked between Steve and Tony, “where am I staying?”

That’s when it dawned on them: out of all the people to forget to figure out where they were sleeping they’d forgotten Rhodey, the one person who didn’t even need an invitation extended to know he’d be coming for the holidays. Steve and Tony looked over at each other in horror.  _ Fuck _ . 

“Are you kidding me?” Rhodey pinched the bridge of his nose. “Did you honestly forget to find me somewhere to sleep?”

“No,” Tony said immediately but it was clear to all five men that he was lying. Sam and Bucky exchanged a look from their seats at the table. “No, no, you’re, uh, staying in my room with me… and Steve.”

Steve’s cheeks flushed a deep red which did not help the situation at all. Sam and Bucky snickered to themselves until Tony shot them a murderous glare and they stopped.

“Great, just… great.”

***

Tony lay perfectly still in the darkness of his room. On the floor by one side of his bed lay Rhodey, who was somehow visibly annoyed despite the lack of lights in the room. On the other side was Steve, who let out a rather loud sigh at the uncomfortable silence. 

“This is so weird,” Rhodey finally spoke. 

“You don’t say,” Steve said sarcastically.

Tony snorted to himself and he could hear the blonde join in. Rhodey stayed silent, probably rolling his eyes at the pair. Yes, it was weird, but it was nice.

***

Tony was awakened when it was still dark out by two small hands patting his face and two sharp knees crawling all over his torso.

“Daddy,” Morgan whispered, “Daddy, wake up.”

“Morguna, I don’t think Santa’s even came yet.” Tony kept his eyes closed and rubbed a hand over his face.

“He  _ has _ , I’ve  _ seen _ it,” she told him in an overly dramatic tone and he smiled.

“Oh, really?”

“Yep.”

“What time is it?” He opened one eye and did his best look of disapproval. Morgan had the decency to look a little sheepish.

“Early…” She said and Tony shook his head. 

“You know, your Uncle Steve is a weirdo and likes waking up around now, why don’t you wake him up?” Tony tried to distract her, only to have a disembodied voice from the floor respond.

“I’m already awake,” he groaned, “it’s not like you guys are being quiet.”

“Sorry, Cap,” Tony chuckled. 

“No, you’re not.” Steve got up off of the floor and flopped down onto Tony’s bed. He slung an arm around Morgan from where she was perched on Tony’s chest. Steve’s hair brushed against the side of Tony’s head and Tony froze. Steve had to be still half-asleep, he had to be. And he was. He snuggled up closer to Tony and sighed contently.

“Merry Christmas, Morgan,” he rubbed her back and she squirmed off of her father and planted herself right in-between the two men. The hand that Steve had put around Morgan fell down to Tony’s side. Steve didn’t move it.

“Merry Christmas, Uncle Steve,” Morgan said. “Should we wake up Uncle Rhodey?” The girl looked over the side of the bed to where her uncle lay snoring.

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea,” Steve hesitated at the same time that Tony simply said, “Morgan, no.”

“He can be a bit of a grumpy old man and no one wants to deal with that before the day even appears to be morning,” Tony elaborated and Morgan seemed to agree. 

The three managed to fall back asleep for a couple of hours due to Steve’s display (which Tony was admittedly very grateful for.) They were woken up later via the harsh lights of the bedroom being turned all the way to 100%. 

Steve looked up only to see Rhodey standing over the bed, hands on his hips and looking mildly annoyed for some reason.

“Hey,” Steve nodded at him.

“Hey.”

This woke up Morgan who sat straight up in the bed and grinned. She scrambled out of the room screeching about how Santa came the night before. Tony made a noise from beside Steve.

“What time is it?” He asked in a scratchy voice.

“Almost 8:30. You’ve somehow managed the impossible and gotten your kid to wake up at a reasonable time on Christmas morning,” Rhodey sounded amused.

“Not really, that was the work of this guy,” Tony gestured over to Steve with his head. Steve smiled to himself.

“As lovely as this,” Rhodey waved a hand around, “is, I think you guys should get up because the woman of the house is not going to wait long to start opening her presents.”

Steve and Tony both made there way out of Tony’s bed. Rhodey pulled Tony aside by the arm once Steve had left the room.

“You got anything to tell me?” Rhodey looked pointedly at where Steve had been just moments before.

“Merry Christmas, platypus,” Tony played dumb. He didn’t feel like talking about it because it really wasn’t a big deal. “C’mon, let’s not keep your niece waiting.” That was the end of that conversation.

By the time Tony had made his way to the living room and ingested the coffee mug and plate of French toast that were shoved into his hands, Morgan had already started working her way through her presents. 

Tony hadn’t had it in him to select many presents for her this year, but Steve had been willing to do it himself. He was a bit clueless as to what to buy a four-year-old, but he did good considering how ecstatic Morgan was with each present from “Santa.” 

“This one is from you, Uncle Steve!” Morgan pointed to a rather large box and Steve nodded. She peeled open the wrapping paper and smiled at him.

“It’s an easel,” he explained. “For making paintings or drawings on… I thought maybe you might want to paint something with me sometime.” He shrugged as if he didn’t care whether or not the child wanted to, but Tony saw the look of sheer joy on his face when she told him that it sounded like “the coolest thing ever.”

There was one thing Tony had picked out by himself as well. He had promised he wouldn’t teach Morgan how to build an engine until she was five, but he couldn’t resist. She shrieked when he picked her up and told her his plan and then hugged him for five minutes straight. 

Pepper, being the ultra-organized woman that she was, had already picked out quite a few presents before she died in October. Tony debated whether or not to put them out as presents from Santa or “Mommy” but chose the latter. 

Morgan read the labels on her last few presents and tears filled her eyes.

“Mommy got these for me?” She whispered to Tony. He brushed the hair out of her face.

“Yeah, squirt. Before… everything happened.” She nodded at him and methodically removed each piece of tape from the packages, careful not to rip the paper. She put each piece of wrapping paper aside like it was a gift of its own. She stared down at the presents for a long time before looking back up at her father. 

Tony wrapped her in his arms. They were going to be okay.

***

Christmas Day was everything that was expected. There was a shitload of wrapping paper everywhere, some playful bickering between everyone, and an enormous amount of food in the evening. 

“Well, this has been nice,” May squeezed Happy’s shoulders and Peter tried not to look too nauseated. Happy looked equally as awkward as the teenager and Tony thought it was hilarious, though admittedly bizarre. Empty dishes from dinner were discarded along the table, no one had the energy to start washing them and everyone seemed to be quite content with that.

“Yeah… it has been,” Rhodey said as he leaned back in his chair.

Tony looked over to see Steve with a blank look on his face. Then he started stacking the discarded dishes at a very frantic pace and left the room for the kitchen.

Everyone turned to Tony with a questioning look. Tony wasn’t sure if they were putting the blame on him or expecting him to follow the blonde. Tony decided on the latter and went after him into the kitchen. 

Steve was scrubbing the dishes in a manner that could only be described as violently. His breathing was ragged and his face was slightly flushed.

“Steve,” Tony got no response as he slowly approached the man.

“Steve…” He tried again. Steve threw down the sponge he was using and turned to Tony with a look of pure rage.

“What?” He threw up his arms. “What is it?” His voice cracked and in a very unexpected twist, he started crying. Tony panicked just a bit. He didn’t think he’d ever seen the man fully sob in front of him. It was a little strange for his childhood hero to be standing in front of him bawling and for Tony to just stand there helplessly. 

After a second, he stepped forward and opened his arms. Steve’s head fell against his shoulder and Tony tried to comfort him in the same way he would with Morgan. 

Steve was pretty sure he was completely ruining Tony’s button-up, but the man was a billionaire, he could buy another. Tony was on the balls of his feet in order to properly wrap his arms around the taller man and Steve burrowed himself into the man’s chest.

It could have been two minutes or an hour and a half later, but neither man could really tell. Steve wiped away at his eyes and leaned against the kitchen counter. Tony stayed where he was.

“The first Christmas when I got out of the ice, I was pretty determined to hide in my SHIELD apartment and be alone with my own misery,” Steve sniffled. “But… Nat…” His voice broke off again.

“Nat told me that she had no one to stay with that year, which I later found out was a load of bullshit because she was supposed to stay with Barton and his family, but anyway, she asked me if I would want to keep her company. She told me that Christmas was her favourite holiday because when she was… in Russia, it was the only day where they wouldn’t be expected to train,” Steve cleared his throat and Tony resisted his urge to grab Steve’s shoulder and squeeze it.

“We got Chinese food in Brooklyn and then went ice skating around Rockefeller, it wasn’t very traditional, but it was the first time since I woke up that I felt like someone wanted me as Steve Rogers… not Captain America.”

Steve looked up from the spot the floor he had been staring at and glanced at Tony. Steve’s eyelashes had clumped together due to the tears and his eyes were especially blue because of the red rings around them. 

“I hope that-” Tony cut himself off in order to properly phrase what he was going to say. “I hope that when you’re here… you feel like we want you as Steve.”

Steve gave him a watery smile. “I do.”

“You know,” Tony started, “I keep on being reminded of what we could’ve had… if we'd just gotten our shit together ten years earlier.”

Steve didn’t say anything for a minute and Tony was just about to make his exit before the other man spoke.

“The team?”  _ Or us? _ was left unsaid. Tony cleared his throat. 

“Yeah, yeah, the team.”

Steve nodded. “Me too.”

***

There was significantly less excitement in the air over New Years Eve, probably because a) the children weren’t exactly quite as thrilled for it and b) no one was planning on getting plastered, so really, what was the point?

Sam and Bucky has dipped out in order to do the latter and said their goodbyes earlier. Sam had tried to convince Steve to come for approximately a minute and a half before getting completely shut down. Tony was secretly quite pleased with this. Instead, Steve opted for cooking dinner for the remaining guests they had.

“What are we going to do for dinner tonight? It should be something nice, right?” Steve said when Tony came into the kitchen for his third coffee of the day around noon. Steve poured one for himself and took a sip.

“I was thinking maybe fondue? That’s always fun,” Steve choked and felt his face redden.

“I-” Steve knew that fondue wasn’t the innuendo that he once thought it was, but the word still made him blush uncontrollably.

Tony frowned at him. “You have had fondue before, right?”  _ Why did Tony have to phrase it like that? _

“Yes, Tony, I’ve had… fondue before.” Tony smirked at him and oh god, now it was a game.

“Did you enjoy it?” He had to know what he was doing, Steve thought to himself.

“It was quite pleasant,” he stuttered out. 

“Good, good,” Tony turned away from him and walked back to the living where he previously sat playing with Morgan. “So, fondue it is?”

“Yeah, sure,” Steve swallowed the lump in his throat.

Steve looked up a recipe for how to make fondue and, with Tony’s instructions, set it up. There was a cheese fondue, as well as an oil fondue for dipping meat and vegetables in. 

“You have to be very, very careful, Morgan,” Tony told her as they gathered around the table for dinner. “It’s all very hot and I really don’t want you to burn yourself, so I’m going to do it for you and you can tell me what you want me to put in.”

Morgan looked mildly unimpressed, but also intrigued by the prospect of this new dish. “Okay, Daddy.”

There was one burn, but it wasn’t Morgan. 

“Shit!” Clint exclaimed as he accidentally grazed the side of the fondue pot. The children all unhelpfully giggled. 

Steve jumped up, “I’ll grab the first aid kit, come to the sink and run it under water!”

Steve returned seconds later with the burn ointment in hand, while Clint stood over the sink, water streaming over the burn.

Tony watched as Nate, the youngest Barton, climbed down from his seat and ran over to his mother,

“Is Daddy okay?” 

Laura smiled at him, “Daddy’s fine. Don’t worry.” 

“Okay…” The boy replied hesitantly. 

Laura turned to Tony, who looked away as if he hadn’t just been watching the entire exchange, and nodded over to Steve.

“He’s good with her, isn’t he?” 

Tony sputtered for a second, as it computed in his head that she meant Morgan. 

He gave a small nod. “Yeah,” he said earnestly, “he really is.”

***

Morgan was determined to stay up for the countdown and despite Tony’s best attempts at trying to get her to fall asleep, she was wide awake by the time it was 11:55. She was too much like her father.

Tony sighed as he walked out of her bedroom and back into the dining room, where everyone else was gathered, holding Morgan’s hand. 

“Aren’t you supposed to be in bed?” Wanda asked, tilting her head. She had a fond look of bemusement in her eyes. 

“Yes, yes she is.” Steve responded and picked up the pajama-clad girl. “What are you doing up?” He said in a funny voice and it made her laugh. 

Tony could see Laura looking at the three of them out of the corner of his eye, but chose to ignore the look they were getting.

“Look, I tried my best,” Tony threw his arms up in defeat.

“I’m not blaming you,” Steve touched his shoulder gently. Rhodey frowned and Tony chose to ignore that look too. Steve carried Morgan upstairs, babbling along with her, and Tony followed behind the pair. 

“What’s a ‘New Year’s kiss’?” Morgan asked the two men once she was tucked in and Tony let out a snort. 

“It’s when you kiss someone right at midnight on New Year’s Eve,” he explained simply.

“But why?”

Tony looked at Steve, who shrugged. “It’s good luck?” He guessed. “Something like that.”

“Oh… okay.”

“Where did you hear about New Year’s kisses anyway?” Tony asked his daughter and she smirked.

“Uncle Clint was talking about them.”

“Of course, he was,” Steve added and they all laughed.

From outside the room, they could hear the beginning of the countdown. 

_ 10. _

“Should we go out there?” Tony asked Steve.

_ 9. _

“No,” Morgan whines and Steve looked between her and Tony.

_ 8. _

“I guess not, then,” Tony responded. 

_ 7\. 6. _

“It’s almost midnight, Morguna.”

Tony and Morgan started counting down from five, but Steve was frozen in his spot. 

_ 3. _

He willed his lips to move along but they wouldn’t. He could recognize Tony’s gaze settling on him and he blinked.

For a moment, Steve thought Tony might lean in. It was a stupid thought and he wiped it out of his mind as soon as he imagined it.

_ 1. _

“Happy New Year,” Tony whispered and delicately placed a kiss on Morgan’s forehead, locking eyes with Steve as he did it. Steve swallowed.

“Happy New Year,” he stuttered back. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahh i know that was a bit cheesy, but ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ 
> 
> finally, we’ll get back to our regularly scheduled non-holiday content in the next chapter and wow i am excited for it.
> 
> comments make me smile :))


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